


diaries and bucket lists

by markhyuckfest, pockywins



Category: NCT (Band), SM Rookies
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 08:21:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 37,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17240786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markhyuckfest/pseuds/markhyuckfest, https://archiveofourown.org/users/pockywins/pseuds/pockywins
Summary: Prompt number: #MH080Side Pairings (if any): Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Lucas/Hwang Renjun, implied Chenle/JisungWarnings: Character Death & SwearingSummary: Mark’s fate had already been decided since he was born, causing him to grow up and believe that he deserves nothing more. That is until he meets a radiant boy one night and finds himself becoming more and more selfish.





	diaries and bucket lists

**Author's Note:**

> Author Note: this was honestly such a ride, it took this up as a challenge at first as I had always wanted to write a fic but never got around to doing, but here I am !! it was really tough as I thought my idea was set in stone, but after a month I had scrapped my first idea after writing around 7000 words, so this fic has been my baby for only these past two months. To the prompter, I’m sorry if this wasn’t what you were expected as I only loosely based the fic around your prompt, but I hope you still enjoy it !! if you couldn’t tell from ready this, I’m terrible at any sort of descriptive writing so if you guys enjoy that im sorry, as the fic became very conversation heavy. even the summary is pretty meh, cause honestly I had no idea what to write :// I was only able to proof read this once or twice so im sorry for any mistakes that are still there, but I hope you guys can still enjoy this !!

 

 

Mark wakes up to the dimly lit hospital room and the poignant smell of bleach. The only source of light seems to be entering through the window on his right and looking out all Mark could see was the pale indigo sky bedecked with wisps of clouds coloured in hues of pinks and oranges. However, he is unable to get any indication of what time it was like he had initially hoped for.

He pushes his arms back in attempt to sit up and hopefully find an actual indicator to what time it was currently, perhaps a clock. The stiff mattress creaks due to the sudden shift of weight, the noise automatically makes Mark squirm.

Fortunately, Mark is able to find a flimsy clock hanging on the bleak, white wall opposite him, it had just turned 5 am, which explains the chemical smell. The hospital had recently been cleaned for the next working day which should start in two hours. So, two hours, that’s how long Mark has to wait before someone could actually explain to him why he was here.

Mark only had a vague idea as to what had happened prior to finding himself in the hospital. He isn’t sure whether it was yesterday or last month, but the last thing he remembers is playing basketball. A basketball match. He was with the school’s basketball team, and was it the finals? He believes that the last thing he did was playing in the finals match for his school.

The duvet suddenly jerks to left, but that's not because of one of Mark’s conscious movements, it had to have been something else. After several seconds of silence, which had felt like minutes, Mark concludes that there is in fact someone else in the room with him now that he is aware of the soft snores of this mystery person, which he could hear on his left.

Gingerly, Mark turns to look to his left to find someone laying there on the side of his bed. Mark curiously leans forward to inspect the stranger closer, carefully pushing away the blondish hair that would have been covering their face, but Mark was in fact inspecting the back of the stranger’s head right now.

Mark falls back so that he was now again laying on the bed, as it turns out the stranger was watching Mark until he fell asleep, but Mark learns that it actually isn’t a stranger. It’s Renjun. Upon closer inspection, Mark notices that Renjun’s eyes are slightly puffy. _Did he cry?_ Mark wonders, but he brushes aside that thought, believing that he’s just overthinking things.

If the positions were switched, Mark wouldn’t have wanted to be woken up, but right now Mark’s impatient. He isn’t really looking forward to having to wait two hours for an explanation and why else would Renjun have stayed here the whole night. He probably wanted to be there when Mark woke up and Mark, being the nice person he was, was going to give the younger just that.

He gently shakes the boy awake, he's not trying to scare the life out of him or anything. The younger’s eyes slowly flutter open, reminding Mark of a young fawn. The younger sleepily rubs his eyes so that he could actually keep his eyes open for more than a fleeting second. Mark couldn’t help but find the younger’s actions endearing, with a nurturing smile now present on Mark’s face.

 

Renjun first gets up and looks around the room, as these surroundings were also unfamiliar to him. He finally looks over and sees that Mark’s now awake, his eyes widening slowly and his jaw dropping.

“Mark...” the younger’s voice breaks towards the end as tears start to well up in his eyes. “What happened? When did you wake up?”

“Ha,” Mark could only breathe out in return. He sheepishly scratches the back his head. “Look, I’m sorry for whatever happened, for whatever I did to scare you so bad, but I honestly don’t remember.” At this point Mark could only weakly laugh.

“No, no it wasn’t your fault, how could anyone blame you,” Renjun sniffles. “Mark you collapsed in the middle of the match, it’s not like you could help it! But there is something you should be apologising for, Mark why didn’t you tell me, about your heart defect. Mark we’ve been friends for seven years now.”

Renjun is full out weeping now, his tears staining the edges of his white, long-sleeved shirt. Guiltiness stabs at Mark’s heart as he watches the scene play out, but he honestly never saw the need to tell the younger of his condition.

“Look Renjun,” Mark starts, lifting Renjun’s chin up so that he’s now looking at Mark. “I never kept that information from you intentionally, you know I would never do that. It was never an issue, that’s why. Yeah, I may have been born with condition, but it had been dormant all this time, it didn’t affect me at all before and I never thought it would, but I guess it did huh.”

The news that his condition is now active undoubtedly scares Mark, but he doesn't want it to seem like a big deal to the younger. Mark’s condition was genetic, he inherited it from his from his father who had died several years ago because of said condition. It terrifies Mark knowing that he could lose his life in a mere second like that. It is indeed a big deal.

“Oh yeah, where’s my mum?” Mark asks, mumbling towards the end. He already knows the answer, she probably did come to see him, but only briefly before leaving. His mum became a lot more distant after his father’s sudden death. Mark still asks the question though as he wants to believe, for a fleeting moment, that there was more to their relationship.

Renjun looks over at Mark with sorrowful eyes. “She did come to see you, but only for a little bit,” he starts, looking back down towards his feet. “I tried to make her stay but you know how it is.”

“Ah come on Renjun, you know she’s just real busy with work right now, it’s fine!” Mark chirps, trying to lift the somber mood. If Mark is going to be honest though, after learning that it did hurt, maybe just a little bit.

“Oh yeah, Renjun please don’t tell anyone else of my condition,” Mark asks him.

“Uh, ok, but why?”

“It’s just that I don’t want anyone to treat me differently after learning that or something.” Mark sighs, defeated. He purposely tried to always put on a front that appeared confident and comfortable, but he really isn’t like that, he could never ever share such vulnerable sides of himself with others.

Renjun nods in response, before tackling the older with a bear hug. “Mark,” he whines. “I promise I won’t tell anyone, so you promise not to leave me again like that okay!”

Both boys now lay flat on the small hospital bed. They’re both laughing now, for a reason that neither are aware of, but one thing they are aware of, they are content in this moment. They have their best friend right by their side once again, what else do they need?

***

Mark hears murmurs around him, waking him up from a nap that he does not remember falling asleep for. The first thing he sees is Taeil’s worried eyes peering at him.

He wakes up Renjun as well after an attempt of sitting himself up in the cramped bed. From behind Taeil, Mark could see that the sun is high in the sky now, unlike what he had seen from before. The two had really slept for some time.

“Uh, what’s wrong Taeil?” he asks, sleepily.

Taeil looks over to the other medics before giving Mark a reply. “Well you already know that your condition is now active right?” the older starts, warily. Mark nods allowing Taeil to let out his breath that he was unconsciously holding in before smiling with relief. “That’s a lot off my chest, well now all we got to do is run a couple tests to see how far the condition has developed and those results will come through in around a week.”

Mark stares blankly at Taeil, taking all the information, before plainly nodding back in affirmation.

“Well get up then Mark,” Taeil chuckles, pulling Mark up and off the bed. “We have already been waiting around two hours for you to wake up, you better not waste any more of our time.”

Mark could only smile sheepishly before following the older out.

***

Mark falls back in the chair by his desk, letting a long sigh escape his lips. The past twelve hours were a rollercoaster and Mark didn’t know what the outcome would be from those tests. He doesn’t really want to think about it either. His thoughts are cut short from the sudden ping, a notification from his phone.

**renjunnie [18:17]**

**markkk don’t worry too much about those tests from earlier okay**

**it’ll be fine i promise**

It’s as if Renjun had read his mind and had interrupted his thoughts just in time, preventing them from deteriorating any further.

**mark [18:19]**

**yeah yeah, i’m fine dw**

**see you at school tomorrow**

It had been a while since Mark had actually worried over his condition. Understandable, since his condition actually wasn’t a threat until now, the only scares that Mark had due the condition in the past were when it concerned his dad.

Mark goes to pull open his desk drawer, to then pull out an old, tattered book. It’s something like a diary to Mark, something he had used to relieve his emotions during the period after his dad had died. Mark had never used it for a while now, but after the sudden change in life maybe it was time to.

He flips through the first couple of pages, skimming over what he had wrote. The entries mainly consist of the majorly depressing thoughts that had gone through his head after his dad had died. Mark is taken back to that time period in his life after having read the entries, one where he was all alone. He had secluded himself from his mother and all his friends including Renjun.

Negative thoughts cloud his mind unconsciously. Despite the things that were going on now are definitely not as bad as it was back then, it is in Mark’s opinion. Although the situation between him and his mother had slowly gotten better, it still needs a lot of work, but Mark is worried that this development of his condition will ruin their relationship once again. He’s scared that his mum would think that he is going to betray her if the worst results did come from those tests. He's scared that he is going to be alone again.

He turns to a new, blank page in the book. He decides that he is going to use it just as he did before, to relieve all these emotions.

_Why was I born into such a cruel fate. My parents tried their best since the beginning to raise me in a happy home, but I took it for granted until that moment, but it was too late. God punished for taking everything for granted by taking my parents away and now he is punishing me once more with my life on the line._

_This time I don’t want to get anyone else involved. This is my issue, it’s my life. I don’t want anyone to be hurt because of me, I’m really not worth their tears, I’m not worth anyone’s tears frankly._

_I know this is not something I can control, but in the end, it’s going to be me who brings pain to someone’s life. To all my loved ones I’m sorry, to my mum, I’m sorry._

_Mark_

***

Everyone stares as Mark walks down the school corridor. It’s expected after what had happened during the match on Saturday, he just went and messed up one of the most important matches of the year.

“Ah, don’t worry about it man,” Lucas starts, as he walks with Mark down the corridor. “They have no right to judge you, I mean it’s not like they can do what you do out there on the court now can they?” He laughs, trying to bring up the mood.

“Ha, yeah,” Mark laughs through his teeth. Mark’s feeling fairly irritable today, but he usually isn’t like this . He knows that it's ultimately his fault that his school lost the finals, but it’s not this fact that is infuriating him right now, it’s the fact that these people are talking as if they know what's genuinely going on, as it they actually know him. Mark scoffs without realising.

Lucas has noticed this and thinks that it’s really strange seeing Mark react like this. He quickly forgets about that all when he sees Renjun just a bit further along the corridor in front of the two.

“Renjun!” he cries as squeezes the life out of the younger. “Argh, I missed you so much I mean how could you spend the night with Mark and leave me out, you don’t even consider going to any of the sleepovers that I invite you to, leaving me stuck with Jeno! Jeno is no fun!”

He puts on his best, exaggerated pout, hoping the younger would actually feel an ounce of pity for him. He had hoped to no avail. Renjun aggressively pushes the older away before walking over to Mark.

“Mark, it’s honestly one of the world biggest mysteries, you and Lucas being friends I mean.” Renjun sighs, annoyed. “Like Lucas is so annoying but then you’re just so cool and like why do you two have to be friends, I don’t want this ogre to be around when I’m hanging out with you.”

Mark couldn’t hold back his laugh at what Renjun had said as he watches Lucas play out a fake death. “Oh Renjun, come on now you have to admit Lucas can be hilarious at times,” he grins, gesturing over at the scene playing out in front of them.

Lucas jumps up from the floor, after having laid there whilst ‘dying’ and takes a large bow. “You have to pay to watch my shows, Mark Lee.” he hisses jokingly. “Ah, but my darling Renjun doesn’t have to!”

“I would definitely pay this imbecile so he can stop talking to me,” Renjun grumbles, directing his words to Mark purposely ignoring Lucas.

“Did you just call Lucas, aka one of the most popular kids in school, an imbecile?” Mark chortles. “I’ve never heard that one before, you honestly never fail to surprise me with your insults Renjun.”

The bell rings cutting their banter short. “Ah see you at lunch Renjun!” Mark pulls Lucas away from the younger, breaking the bear hug he had Renjun locked in as a goodbye.

***

Lunch comes around quicker than Mark thought it would. He and Lucas walk out their class nonchalantly only to have Lucas break the air around them as soon as he spots Renjun waiting outside their classroom. Renjun however, was waiting for Mark and dodges Lucas’ attack, leaving him a heap on the floor. He rushes and drags Mark towards the cafeteria before Lucas is able to get up off the floor.

“Please Mark, consider this, not being friends with Lucas,” Renjun starts as the two made their way through the bustling hallway. “I mean for me at least; don’t you even see how much suffering that idiot puts me through daily!”

Mark laughs breathily. “Look Renjun, he is my friend and I don’t think that’ll be changing anytime soon. I mean can’t you at least try to get along with him, he really likes you.”

“Well I don’t like him!” Renjun complains.

“Okay then give me a good reason for you not liking him and it cannot be about how he annoys with hugs cause that’s how he shows affection!” Mark smirks thinking he had the younger stumped. He’s wrong.

“Okay first of all, he’s dumb, like the other day he was asking me why the glue doesn’t stick to the inside of the bottle. Like why would someone waste their time thinking about things like that ugh, and two, he’s too tall. Like who needs that much height huh.” Renjun is almost out of breath after his little rant.

 

“Okay Renjun, calm down there, breathe. It’s okay, I understand.” Mark rubs his shoulders, comforting him, but couldn’t help go over and mentally laugh at what Renjun had said.

At this point the two have already reached the cafeteria as Renjun goes to ask Mark a question he asked him every day, “Do you want to sit with my friends and I, or are you just going to sit with Lucas and Jeno again?”

Mark chuckles. “Renjun you try, you really do, and you of all people already know the answer to that. Also, I don’t want to make it awkward for your friends or anything.”

“Mark, I also tell you this every time, my friends won't mind, if anything they want you to sit with us, they think you’re really cool!” Renjun whines, tugging on Mark’s arm. “Honestly, why can’t Jeno bring you to our table, I mean Lucas has other friends right? He can sit with them.”

“Well I’m sorry Renjun, but not today, maybe another time huh?” Mark smiles, before waving bye to the younger and walking over to Lucas who had just come into the cafeteria.

“Damn bro, you really went and left me like that huh?” Lucas frets, as he and Mark walk over to their regular table. “Why does Renjun only talk to you, compared to me you’re boring!”

Mark could only laugh at Lucas’ immaturity, it’s a regular occurrence that Mark has gotten used to. “I don’t know, perhaps I’m just that much more charming.”

Jeno is already waiting for them at their table, he waves at the two wearing his signature eye smile. Jeno is also a part of the basketball team, the basketball team are close but these three are practically inseparable.

“I missed you guys so much,” Jeno pouts. “It so unfair, why do you both have to be just one year older than me, I’m stuck all by myself!”

Lucas bursts into laughter at the younger’s misfortune, not in a mean way but at the fact that the younger was so bothered by it.

“Come on Jeno, we know you got friends other than us, like those who come support you at the matches!” Mark chirps.

“Oh yeah, why do you like never sit with them ever, are they actually like really boring compared to us or something?” Lucas excessively gasps.

“No, I do really like hanging out with them, but I rarely get to hang out with you guys you know.” Jeno sulks. “Like I even thought about trying to get us to sit altogether but I don’t how you two will feel about it.”

“Did you really we would be that bothered?” Lucas’ voice muffled, as he had already started eating.

Mark grins at the sight of Jeno trying to come up with an answer. It’s honestly an amusing sight. The rest of that hour flew by as the three boys comfortably ate, but with a moderate amount of banter here and there, where in most cases the cause of it was Lucas.

***

Usually, there would be basketball practice on a Monday evening, but because of the match that took place only the day before yesterday, it had been cancelled. It was never like that before but only came about when the team started to win consecutively. They would cancel the next practice and instead just celebrate, it had unintentionally become habitual. Losing a match was now a rare occurrence especially with the current team, but that was exactly what had happened and as it they had been cancelling the practice after a match for such a long time now, no one really remembered the reason they did so in the first place and just cancelled it today as it’s just the norm now.

Lucas and Jeno already made plans on how they’ll spend their sudden period of free time, Lucas with his family and Jeno on a ‘date’, well that is what he told Mark, but no one really came to mind when he imagined Jeno dating someone. It must of been one of his other friends that he is always whining about, how he wants Mark and Lucas to meet them.

Mark on the other hand, had made no plans, he's not really someone who makes plans but instead goes along with someone else’s. He could have just gone home, but he doesn’t really want to, no one’s home and even if there was it wouldn’t be very welcoming. It’s ust Mark and his mother at home and they are not really the closest, even from the beginning, so instead Mark decides just to hang out at the park by himself and maybe get some food. He’s not planning on going home anytime soon.

***

It had been several hours of Mark weakly swinging back and forth on a swing just scrolling through social media on his phone before he gets hungry. Luckily it’s the start of June, so the evenings are getting warmer, the dark skies come later, so there’s no urgent need to go back so soon and Mark decides to go to the closest convenience store to get some food.

He does not have a lot of cash on him, so Mark decides on buying a cup of instant ramen and a chocolate bar after spending a couple minutes browsing the selection. He goes to cook up the ramen with the appliances at the store, coming out of the store some minutes later with a steaming pot of ramen. He sits at one of the benches that were out front of the store and fishes out his phone to mindlessly scroll through some more social media to pass the time.

 

His plans were cut short by the ringing of the store bell that signaled a customer leaving or entering. He looks up to find a young boy, who appears around his own age maybe younger, walk out the store, humming to some song that he’s listening to through his headphones and swinging his bag full of snacks back and forth. The boy is wearing a dull, grey hoodie some sweatpants and worn-out sneakers, but the boy’s face is glowing. From far away one wouldn’t notice, but from where Mark’s sitting, they could really see the boy’s bright expression and you could say that Mark is in awe. His orangish hair somewhat unkempt looks cute in Mark’s opinion and he looks so happy bouncing as he walks in tune to whatever song is playing through his headphones. He looked familiar but Mark couldn’t remember where he had seen him.

Mark is so captivated by the cheerful boy that he does not notice the bag that was flying towards him, thrown by the boy himself. Mark blinks himself alert after the bag lamely hit his side and fell to the ground. Mark leans back to pick up the bag, but the boy beat him to it. He looks over at the boy crouching down with the bag in his hands, who looked fairly embarrassed as he keeps his eyes on the ground. Upon closer inspection, Mark could see that the boy’s hair is not just orange and that some locks are different colours like pink, blue and green. He unconsciously reaches over and holds some of the boy’s colourful locks in his hand admiring them.

The boy suddenly gets up, his face a shade of bright red. ”Uh, what are you doing?”

Mark chokes, only just realising what he had done. “Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to do that, I- I uh just thought your hair was really pretty that’s all.” Mark mentally curses at himself for tripping up over his words. _This dude already thinks you’re a freak, way to go and make it worse for yourself._

“Ah, thanks.” The boy now wore a small, modest smile on his face and Mark couldn’t help but smile back.

“Oh yeah, I’m Mark, and again, I’m really, really sorry for that.”

The boy falls into a fit of giggles and Mark has no idea why. “Of course I know you, you’re Mark Lee, the star player of the basketball team, who doesn’t know you!”

Now it’s Mark’s turn to be modest, trying to laugh it off. “Well uh, you, who are you?”

“Oh, I’m Donghyuck, but everyone calls me Haechan!” he chirps, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “But can I ask you something, you don’t have to answer it if you feel uncomfortable?’

“Uh, sure?” 

“Okay, so why are you, Mark Lee, out here so late? And like doesn’t like the basketball team have some sort of celebration or whatever after their matches, shouldn’t you, the star player, be there?”

“Well uh, we lost that match, didn’t you know?” Mark bashfully scratches the back of his head, avoiding the boy’s eyes.

“Oh, Oh! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you! I mean I don’t really watch the basketball matches, oh like don’t get me wrong, I go to the matches, but uh that’s only for my friend who is on the team, but I don’t really understand basketball and how it works, so I don’t really watch the matches, uh I’m sorry?”

Mark couldn't help but laugh, shaking his head at the boy. “Ah, don’t worry, my friend does the exact same thing, so yeah it’s okay, honestly.” He hears Haechan sigh in relief.

A chime stops the boy from responding back. Mark notices that it was the sound for a message notification. Haechan fishes out his phone to see what it is.

“Oh yeah, you probably have somewhere to be, I, uh I’m sorry for wasting your time, you can go to wherever you gotta be.” Mark sheepishly looks down at his feet, embarrassed that he kept Haechan out longer than necessary.

“Oh no, don’t worry, that was just my friend, I don't need to be anywhere anyway,” Haechan smiles, looking back over at Mark as he slips his phone back in the pocket of his hoodie. “And wow I thought we were having a good time Mark Lee, do you really want to get rid of me that bad,” he pouts.

“Uh, no.” Mark mumbles, flustered over how cute Haechan looks.

“Oh, that’s good!” Haechan slides in the seat opposite Mark on the bench. “Let’s talk all night, Mark Lee!”

Mark sits back down in his seat, going to eat another mouthful of ramen to find that it had now gone to a temperature somewhere between lukewarm and cold, not how Mark liked his ramen. He pushes aside his pot, leaning against his arms on the table. “Ok then Haechan, tell me about yourself. Who’s that friend you go and support during the basketball matches? Like I must know him, being on the basketball team and all.”

“Oh yeah, you definitely know him, I mean you guys are like best friends.” Haechan now munching on some snacks that he pulled out his bag earlier. “Lee Jeno. You know, milk advert Lee Jeno.”

Mark snorts, it had been a long time since that infamous ad and he doesn’t really talk about it because Jeno would always make a big fuss. “You know Jeno? Wow, what a small world we live in.”

“Mark, we literally go to the same school,” Haechan says, dead-panned. “You’re just as fun as Jeno, no fun!”

“Ah, come on Haechan, I am _so_ much funnier than Jeno!” Mark pouts, hoping for Haechan to give him the attention he wanted.

“Uh, yeah, that’s not cute, never do that again Mark.”

Mark sighs. He never likes acting cute, it would always end up with people (Lucas and Jeno) laughing at how awkward he is. “Ok then, let me ask you another question. You go to the matches to support Jeno, but say I’m the star player of the team huh? What is that all about?’ Mark smirks, leaning on his arms towards Haechan.

“Well that’s what everyone says right and come on I know Jeno and how clumsy he can be, like yeah he is good at basketball, but I don’t know if he wasn’t so clumsy, he would be so much better.” That isn’t the response Mark expected. He wanted to see Haechan become all cute and flustered, but perhaps he has more of an attitude than Mark had initially anticipated. Part of him wishes that he never had to learn of this side of Haechan, but the other part just finds him so much more charming now after getting to know him.

The rest of the evening is filled long conversations and laughs. Mark was able to learn a lot about Haechan, that he is younger than Mark by a year, that he loves to dye his hair different colours to express himself, that one of his favourite artists are Michael Jackson, that he loves to sing, that he has a bucket list of pretty stupid things he wants to do, that he does in fact have a cute personality but tends to be more on the sassy side around people he is comfortable with and learning all that about Haechan made him happy, especially the fact that Haechan is comfortable around him. However, on the other side of things, Haechan was not able to learn a lot about Mark, but neither of the two really cared, it was a well spent evening and they both had fun. 

The two end up parting ways at around 11:30 pm, it was much later than Mark had planned to head back, but it does not really matter. He enters the silent house, his mum already asleep, and quietly makes his way to his room. He does not want to ruin the great mood he is in by waking his mum up which would then result in getting a lecture about how late he is from her.

***

Mark’s pleasant mood stayed with him practically all throughout the next day. It's already lunch yet nothing had interfered with his mood, not even the three grueling hours of science he just went through had affected it. Mark and Lucas left for lunch, with the usual plan of going to meet Jeno slightly altered in Mark’s mind.

As the two entered the cafeteria, they split ways, unknown to Lucas who is already making his way to their regular table with Jeno, keen to tell him about something funny that had happened the previous night. Mark makes his way to Haechan’s table, knowing that Jeno would follow and then in turn Lucas, as Jeno had always wanted the groups to sit with each other. Mark is now just speeding up the process. 

Haechan and his friends sit at practically the opposite end of the cafeteria to where Mark usually sat, it is much more of a trek. It is not that hard for Mark to find as it is one of the loudest tables, but he isn’t really surprised now that he knows how fervent Haechan could be. He sees Haechan sitting with two other boys whose backs are turned to Mark and he guesses that he had not ever seen them around school before but finds that unbelievable considering how one of them has pink hair, how could anyone miss that.

“Mark!” Haechan exclaims as he saw the older boy approaching his table. “What are you do-”

“Mark?” Haechan was cut off by one of the other boys on the table. Mark looks towards the owner of that voice, the shorter boy with blondish hair, Renjun.

“Renjun?” Mark now as confused as Renjun.

Haechan looks back and forth between the pair, probably more confused than the both of them. “You guys know each other?”

“What? You guys know each other?” It’s now Renjun’s turn to question the other two. 

“Uh you guys-”

“Ok why is Mark Lee here?” Mark looks down at the finger that was now pointing right him from the pink haired guy. “Renjun, Haechan what is going on? Why am I suddenly out of the loop? How do you know Mark Lee? Are you guys bore-”

“Mark!”

Lucas and Jeno rushes up to either side of Mark, their hands falling on the edge of the table to catch their breath.

“What are you doing Mark, you left before I could notice.”

“Mark, why are you here sudden-”

“Oh Jeno, finally deciding to join us?” the pink haired boy asks, as he goes to hug Jeno’s arm. “Well thank god, you’re the only friend I have now, as these two are ditching me to hang out with Mark.”

“What, Jaemin it’s not like that!” Renjun sighs. “Mark and I are childhood friends, we live in the same neighbourhood.”

“You do?” Jeno asks looking between the two.

“So do we!” Lucas blurts out as he pounces on Renjun. “We are all childhood friends, but Renjun and I are-”

“Ugh get off,” Renjun shoves Lucas off of him. “But yeah we do, but I didn’t think it was necessary to tell you guys, but I honestly don’t know how Haechan knows him, uh care to explain Mark.”

Mark looks at Haechan for help only for Haechan to shrug his shoulders and lean back into his seat. Mark clenches his teeth as a sigh escapes his mouth. “Uh well, we just met at the park last night and became friends?” Mark pauses to watch their reactions, but they still all look confused. “Well I found out that Haechan was friends with Jeno, and Jeno always whines to Lucas and I asking us to sit with you guys, so I thought I would help everyone out by doing this, but uh I didn’t know that Renjun was also friends with you guys so that made this a lot more confusing.”

“What you think I have no friends other than you guys? Wow Mark, I expected this from Lucas, not you.”

Before Mark could reassure Renjun, Haechan bursts into laughter. “You guys chill, let’s just all be friends, cause we basically all are except for Jaemin and uh Lucas? That’s your name right?” 

“How could you know Mark’s name but not mine! We are both on the basketball team!”

The five boys only gaze pitifully at him in response.

“Well everyone may as well sit down, as I guess we are all gonna sit here now right,” Jeno states as he slides in the seat between Jaemin and Haechan. Mark sits between Haechan and Renjun, and Lucas takes the seat between Renjun and Jaemin.

“So Lucas, I guess you were also betrayed by your friends as they went and hung out with other people behind your back, right?”

Lucas nods at the pink-haired boy, exaggerating his puppy eyes.

“Both of you are so dramatic I swear to god.” Mark snickers at how bothered Renjun seemed because of the two.

***

The rest of lunch was surprisingly normal, as all the boys got along well with each other and Mark was so relieved, thinking he would have caused a bigger scene than he had wanted. It was honestly a meaningless worry Mark thought in hindsight, as all the boys had at least one mutual friend so it was only expected they would all end up friends.

Everyone had now been dismissed from school and as there was no basketball practice today and Mark walks home with Renjun as he usually would.

“So Haechan huh?” Renjun smirks.

Mark stifles a cough which was a result of Renjun’s sudden remark. “What do you mean? We are just friends.” Mark making sure that he emphasised the ‘ _just’_.

“Ok Mark, if all you wanted from him was a _friend,_ you wouldn’t be so flustered right now,” Renjun chortles at Mark’s now flushed cheeks. “And lets be real, you are not in dire need of a friend, you are the most popular boy in school, but you know what you are in dire need of? A boyfriend.”

Mark is practically choking at this point. “I am not friends with Haechan just so that I could be his boyfriend!”

“Sure, but damn don’t get so stressed over it, but just so you know I will be your number one supporter if you ever do decide to pursue Haechan romantically.”

“Oh my god, can you like stop?” Mark’s face burning with a bright red and he is definitely embarrassed. “But you know what? What about Jeno and uh Jaemin? Are they always that all over each other?”

“Uh not really, but I guess recently they have been a bit more, intimate? I don’t really know what’s going on with them, like Jaemin did have a date yesterday so-“

“Jeno had a date yesterday as well! Well that’s what he told me at least.” Mark and Renjun look at each other in silence for a bit due to the sudden news before they both burst into laughter.

“Wow, who would’ve thought, Jeno and Jaemin huh?” Renjun smiles fondly at the thought. “I mean they are the two that bicker the most, but they looked cute together most the time.”

“Hmm, what about you and Lucas? You two argue a lot, almost like a married cou-“

“Mark stop talking, I cannot even imagine Lucas and I even being friends, so whatever you were going to say just then is honestly impossible.”

“Damn Renjun, you should just _chill_ ,” Mark smirks, enjoying this rare moment of mocking the younger.

“Ugh, you’re not one to talk but whatever, you got any plans tonight Mark? We should go have a movie marathon tonight, like old times.”

“Uh yea, I do.”

“What is it?” It’s very strange for Mark to have made plans for himself and Renjun knows that.

“Uh, I was going to go to the park?” Mark’s trying to avoid the youngers eyes, as he knows how strange he sounded.

“Huh, the park? Haechan told me he likes to go there after school sometimes, but that can’t be the reason you are going right? It must just be a coincidence wow.” It’s clear to Mark that Renjun’s enjoying this too much, but what he said is true. Mark hates the fact Renjun knows him so well.

“Well, what if it’s not?” Renjun grin growing larger. “Fine, I’m going to the park cause I want to see Haechan, you happy now?”

“Ah my Mark is finally being honest with me, finally growing up!” Renjun coos as he hugs Mark’s arm.

Mark shakes off Renjun’s uncomfortable grip on his arm. “What are you even saying, I’m older than you!”

***

Several hours had passed since Renjun had left Mark alone so that he could wait for Haechan in the park. He swings back and forth on the swing watching the convenience store opposite to see when Haechan would come.

Mark grows increasingly more impatient. He’s currently contemplating on whether he should just give up tonight, as he does have a test to study for tomorrow. He jumps off the swing, before turning away to leave, only to stop in his tracks as he hears someone softly humming and a stone skipping across the concrete.

He sees Haechan walking towards the store. Today he is wearing an unzipped, dark, navy blue hoodie over a loose, white shirt matched with some grey joggers and those same worn-down trainers from yesterday.

“Haechan!” he yells as he ran over to the fencing of the park that separated the two.

“Mark?” Haechan almost shouts, surprised. He takes off his headphones before properly turning around to face the older. “Fancy seeing you here again, wow.”

Mark sheepishly giggles, looking down at his feet, as the fact that this meeting was not a coincidence bear heavy weight on his shoulders. He feels extremely guilty. “Yeah, what a coincidence.”

“Well come on then, are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna come with me and get something to eat?” Haechan is beaming with a beautiful grin on his face, perhaps Mark’s heart skipped a couple beats, but he tries his best to ignore it.

Mark jumps over the fence with ease, over to Haechan’s side. He could’ve just as easily went through the gate but jumping over was one - quicker and two - cooler, but much to his dismay Haechan just rolls his eyes. “Wow Mark, never knew you was one to show off like that, I get enough of that from Jeno.”

“Damn, I’m sorry, let’s uh, just go get this food huh?” Mark walks ahead in front of Haechan, towards the store as he mentally curses at himself.

Mark chose to get himself some instant ramen, while Haechan gets himself crisps and chocolate bars. The two wait in a comfortable silence as Mark cooked up his ramen before heading back out.

“Well even I know that the basketball doesn’t have practice on Tuesdays, but that still doesn’t explain why you’re here again Mark.”

“Hm, I don’t really know why I’m here either.” Mark tries his best to sound as confused as he said he was. “It’s just pretty nice out today, don’t you think?”

“So, this is what we are going to do, talk about the weather? Come on Mark Lee, I knew you were pretty boring, but I didn’t know it was this bad. What’s wrong Mark?” The sincerity is very apparent on Haechan’s face and Mark couldn’t help but feel even guiltier than before and even a bit embarrassed for making it so obvious to the younger.

“Uh nothing, I guess I just really wanted to play on the swings.” Even Mark knows that wasn’t a good excuse, but it’s all he could think up at the moment.

“Wow Mark, I thought we were friends, but I guess you’re not as comfortable with me as I am with you.” Haechan sighs as he takes another bite of his chocolate bar. 

This time the two sat in a silence that isn’t very comfortable. Mark can clearly see how upset the younger is, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell Haechan the truth. He cares for the younger so much, and that would only shock and maybe even creep the younger out considering how the two only met yesterday. 

“Uh, I should get going.” Haechan gets up from his seat and throws away the rubbish from his finished snacks. “See you around Mark.”

“Haechan!” Mark couldn’t let Haechan leave now. He knows if he does nothing about the current situation, it’ll just worsen tomorrow. “Look Haechan, you want me to be honest with you right.” He watches as the younger slowly nods. “Well this is pretty embarrassing, but I was at the park because I wanted to see you. I wanted to see you again Haechan.” It was fairly dark, but Mark could see the boy’s face turn a shade of red. 

“Mark we literally saw each other at school,” Haechan’s now covering his face, embarrassed. Mark couldn’t help but smile. “We literally had lunch together, you didn’t have to do this cause we will see each other again tomorrow anyways.” 

“Haechan I just wanted to hang out with you,” Mark steps towards the younger, not knowing where this sudden burst of confidence came from. “At lunch, I didn’t really get to talk to you that much being with the rest go our mates and everything, and ugh I don’t know, I really like hanging out with you okay and I guess I just wanted to spend some more time with you, so that’s why I was here.” 

“Mark,” Haechan starts, bouncing nervously on the balls of his feet. “I don’t understand why you would find that embarrassing, if anything it’s more embarrassing for me, but that’s really sweet Mark and honestly I guess you are pretty fun to hang out with most of the time.”

Mark is now the one blushing. “Oh well look at the time, it is pretty late, I guess both of us should get going then Haechan!” He nervously lets out as he goes to wave goodbye to Haechan before rushing back home.

*** 

The rest of the week went by like a breeze as the two groups merged together and sat together every lunch time. Jaemin and Lucas made quite the tag team as both enjoy annoying the others. Jeno and Jaemin continued being strangely affectionate towards each other but at this point it was normal and the boys at the table just ignore it now. One thing however that really surprised Mark was the fact that Renjun tolerates Lucas a lot better now. Perhaps it was because the two was hanging out together a lot more, that Renjun could now see why Mark enjoyed hanging out with Lucas, but Mark doesn’t spend too much time questioning the odd pair as he is now happier than ever. 

Haechan and Mark continue to hang out at the park after school, whenever there is no basketball practice. It mostly ends up with just Haechan talking about himself or funny things that happened at school. Mark did talk about himself but not a lot, Mark believes he isn’t as funny or as interesting as Haechan and just enjoyed listening to the younger’s stories and spending time with him.

It’s already Saturday and Mark is awake and up early, at 7 am, so that he could go pick up Renjun before the two would head to the hospital to pick up the results from the tests that were ran a week ago. Mark did not want to bring Renjun at first, it made him believe that he would need the support, that he would get the worst results from that test. He doesn’t want to believe that, but Renjun practically begged Mark to bring him along for whatever reason and Mark caved in and agreed. 

The two reach the hospital in no time, but Mark could already feel himself getting nervous, his hands clammy, slowing his pace down dramatically. 

“Oh come on Mark,” Renjun whines, as he’s practically pulling Mark by the hand towards the hospital doors. “It’s better you get it soon and get upset, than you being upset now and then getting the results later and getting more upset.” 

“RENJUN!” Mark hisses. “Don’t say stuff like that! Please!” 

“Mark, it was just a joke, I’m sorry.” Renjun now stops dragging Mark and chooses to turn around so that he could face the older, a look of concern present on his face. “Mark, are you really that scared?” Mark just weakly nods in response, resulting in being engulfed in a hug from Renjun. “Mark, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it! But you know I will be by your side no matter what the results will be?” 

Renjun has a firm grip on Mark’s shoulder’s, trying to ease Mark’s nerves by giving him a reassuring smile. Mark weakly smiles back with his lips pressed together in a thin line. “Okay Mark, we should probably start heading in now,” Renjun started as he took Mark’s hand again.

“Uh, sorry but my hand is really sweaty, I’m just really nervous, I’m sor-“

“Mark, stop apologising, and stop I’m not going to let go of your hand. I told you, I’m going to be by your side, it’ll be okay, I promise.” Renjun watches as Mark starts to relax a bit and smiles back at him before he takes him by his hand towards and through the hospital doors. 

The two expect to find Taeil standing in the reception like he said he would be, but they couldn’t find him anywhere. They walk over to the receptionist and ask for Taeil, where the receptionist then goes and makes a call before instructing them to take a seat and wait while. 

“Strange for Taeil not to be here huh?” Renjun starts, trying to distract the currently nervous Mark sitting next to him. Renjun places his hand on Mark’s leg, trying to stop it from shaking. “Uh well, how did you do in that Math exam on Wednesday?” 

Thankfully for Renjun, Taeil and his assistant come before the silence could grow even more uncomfortable, before Mark’s thoughts could deteriorate any more. 

“So the results, how were they?” Renjun inquires, knowing that Mark wouldn’t be able to.

“Not good,” Taeil begins before tears start welling up in his eyes, turning away from the two. 

“Ah sorry, he’s been pretty upset because of the news since he found out,” the medic who had come with Taeil states. “Oh, I’m Johnny by the way and I can answer any questions you have as Taeil isn’t really comfortable doing so.” 

Renjun glances over to his right at Mark standing next to him. His eyes now wide and he looks terribly hurt, Renjun knows he had to be the one to ask the questions here, he just had to take a guess at the questions that whirling around Mark’s head right now. 

“What did Taeil mean, that the results were not good?” Renjun places an arm around Mark, reassuringly squeezing his shoulder, to remind him of his presence, that he wasn’t alone. 

“Well that the results we were fearing the most did end up the results.” Johnny looks pitifully at Mark before looking back at Renjun. “I’m sorry.” 

“Well, that can’t be it, there must be something else, how long does he have? Can he still play basketball? Is there anything we can do to prolong it? Is there anything to make it better?” Renjun’s crying now, border-line screaming at Johnny. He feels pathetic, he feels he isn’t supporting Mark as he should be doing, he is absolutely devastated and as much as he wants to keep his strong front up for Mark, he couldn’t. Mark however, stands in Renjun’s arms in silence, he has no idea of what he should do.

“He has around two months,” Johnny establishes, apprehensive. “He won’t be able perform any sort of strenuous activities, including basketball, without getting through some sort of pain. His heart will have to work extremely hard and that would only hurt Mark.” He observes the two as Renjun weeps even more than he previously was and how Mark remains unresponsive still. Externally Mark may seem unresponsive but internally he’s creaming, crying out for help. He can’t help but feel forlorn, worthless even. He has always known that this outcome was possible, that he may end up dying because of this, but honestly it sucks having some sort of ‘expiry date’, having all his hopes and dreams for the future snatched ruthlessly away from him because of some defect. He hates it, he hates this. 

“There is something that could help though.” Renjun stops crying suddenly and looks back toward Johnny, hope in his eyes. “Mark could undergo surgery, a heart transplant. It would have to take place within the six weeks, otherwise it would be too late, but this surgery only has a 60% success rate. It is a tough decision to make so take your time to think it over, but in my opinion, you should definitely agree to the surgery. Well if that’s all the questions you have, Taeil and I will be going now as Taeil has some patients waiting for him.” Johnny gives the two a warm smile before leading Taeil away. 

Renjun peers over at Mark, who still remains externally unresponsive. “Mark…”

“Let’s go Renjun.” Mark doesn’t spare Renjun a glance as he starts walking towards the exit of the hospital. 

“Mark where are you going?” Renjun runs after Mark and grabs his arm to prevent him from going any further. “Let’s go and get some ice cream or something huh?”

“No Renjun, I just want some space. Let me go, I’m going home.” 

“Mark come on.” It hurts Renjun to see Mark so detached and apathetic of his own life, because he knows Mark actually cares. He had grown up with Mark, had been with him when his father died, Mark had the exact same response. It was only a couple months later when he learnt of how distraught Mark veritably was at the time, he knew that had to be the case right now. “Mark you can cry, it’s only me, please Mark something, anything.”

“Renjun not now, let go of me.” Mark’s essentially snarling at Renjun at this point, the irritation in his voice clear.

“Ok,” Renjun begrudgingly lets go of Mark’s arm. “But we better talk about this tomorrow or just some time next week when we are walking home together, okay?” Renjun only gets a frustrated sigh in response as Mark had already started walking away from the younger.

Mark hates this, his decided fate is definitely going to hurt his loved ones, but the news just makes him so irritated leading him to hurt his loved ones even more. He hurt Renjun. Renjun was right with everything he was saying, Mark’s upset, but it is not what he wanted to hear, causing him to lash out. He knows the best thing right now is to have some space, so that he doesn’t hurt anyone else he cares about in the process. 

He makes his way to his empty house. His mum’s working, as it’s only midday, but even if his mum was home it would’ve made no difference. He drags himself up the stairs towards his room. It isn’t a very comforting place, but it’s the only place he could think of going to, apart from the park, but it’s not like Haechan would be there today. 

Using his diary so frequently in just one week is not something Mark thought he would be doing, well not again since his father’s death, but now he finds himself using it again and again. He turns to the next blank page before making an attempt of writing the frustration away. 

_Well it’s final, I have an ‘expiry date’ which is two months from now. I’ve always been aware of the possibility that I could die, especially since last Saturday when I found out that this defect had become active, but before it had always been a little worry at the back of my mind. Only recently I’ve had to properly worry about it and I don’t know what the hell to do!_

_I’ve already lashed out at Renjun and I regret it, so much. I’m just worried if I lash out to anyone else, Jeno, Lucas, even Haechan. I’m so scared. My life is already going to disappoint my mum and now my friends, I just don’t want to hurt them anymore than I inevitably will with my death. Perhaps it would just be best to stay away from them. Perhaps it would be best to just stop being friends with them. Someone like me who doesn’t deserve to live certainly does not deserve friends. It will hurt them less in the long run._

_I’m sorry to everyone I care for, my friends, my mum and Haechan for everything I’m going to do after this point. I’m going to hurt you all just so I don’t hurt you even more in the end. I don’t deserve any of you. I’m sorry._

_Mark_

***

“Mark come on, you’ve got to talk to me at some point.” Renjun tries his best to keep up with Mark, who’s rushing ahead for some unknown reason. “Mark stop ignoring me, stop ignoring everyone, it’s obvious you are, it was so tense at lunch. Everyone was so uncomfortable.”

“Boo hoo, you were all uncomfortable huh? Well maybe you should have not forced me to sit with you then!” Mark spits back. “Has it ever gone through your thick skull that maybe I don’t want to talk to you?!” 

“Mark you don’t mean that…” Renjun attempts to fight back his tears, trying to stop them from falling. “Mark if this is about last Saturday, I told you, I told you that I’ll always be your side, that you can talk to me. Please talk to me Mark, I miss you.”

“Am I not talking to you right now?” Mark groans, as he continued to walk ahead further from the boy. 

Renjun starts to jog beside Mark so that he could keep up with his long strides. “Mark I want us to talk how we used to. Okay you don’t have to talk to me about Saturday, but please act like you used to with us, with me. Where has the cheerful Mark Lee gone?” 

“I don’t know, maybe you were just imagining things. Just leave me alone, stop trailing along behind me, you're pissing me off. I just don’t want to talk to any of you ok!” 

Renjun stops trying to follow Mark. He’s got the message. His eyes follow Mark’s silhouette as he continued to walk further and further away from him and Renjun couldn’t help but feel that this was all his fault. He should have not let Mark leave by himself on Saturday, he could have prevented this from getting as bad as it had. He allowed Mark go back to how he was after his dad had died, something he had promised would never happen again, but it did. It was all his fault. 

“Renjun?”

Renjun turns to the find the voice on his right, the one that had called out his name. 

“Renjun what are you doing here?” Lucas asks again. “Oh wait, are you here because you want to hang out with me perhaps? OMG Renjun, I’m so happy!” Lucas now had his arms locked around Renjun, jumping up and down in joy.

“Ha…” is all Renjun could breathe out. 

Lucas stops jumping and removes his arms from Renjun’s sides. “Are you okay Renjun? You didn’t push me away like you usually do, something is definitely wrong. What is it? I may not be Mark, but I can stay quiet for a bit and listen to whatever it is that is bothering you.” Lucas offers Renjun a supporting smile in hopes to ease the younger.

“Wow, I never knew I would be coming to you with my worries but here I am I guess,” Renjun dejectedly sighs, looking up towards Lucas. 

“Hey! I’m not that bad damn,” Lucas sulks, stamping his feet in an exaggerated manner. “Look, let’s go get some ice cream and then you can talk to me about whatever is bothering you okay?” 

Renjun meekly nods with a weak smile in response. “Thanks Lucas, I- I’d like that.” A relieved grin now animates Lucas’ features as he takes Renjun’s hand in his. 

“Let’s go!”

*** 

His eyes tracing the patterns on his ceiling, Mark lies flat on his bed with no other plans for the evening. As much as he wishes he could just call Renjun or Lucas to hang out, he knows it’s best not to, if he wants to stick to his plan that is. 

As Mark contemplates whether he should just turn in early, his phone buzzes on his bedside, indicating a message notification.

 

 _Who the hell would message me after what I pulled today, it definitely can’t be Renjun_ Mark thinks as he goes to grab his phone.

 

******* ****** [17:14]**

**hey is this mark??**

**mark [17:15]**

**depends on who the hell is asking**

**oh wait i don’t care**

**get lost**

******* ****** [17:18]**

**mark, it’s haechan**

**i’m sorry, but i got your number from renjun, as you didnt seem like you were in a good mood today so idek if you would have even given it to me ://**

**i just wanted to know if you were coming to the park tonight??**

**mark [17:20]**

**now why the hell would i do that**

******* ****** [17:20]**

**:(((**

**mark i missed you yesterday, like i know you had basketball practice and all but i like hanging out with you ;((**

**what’s wrong mark :(**

 

**mark [17:22]**

**why would you care**

**we only met each other last week**

**it’s not like we are good friends or anything**

**not even friends at that**

******* ****** [17:23]**

**ok you may not think we’re friends, but i do**

**so please come to the park tonight??**

**i’ll but you food**

**please??**

**mark [17:24]**

**…**

**fine…**

**but only for the food**

**that’s it**

******* ****** [17:24]**

**great !! i’ll see you a 6:30 !!**

**can’t wait xD !!**

Mark would be lying if he says he isn’t as excited as Haechan seems to be. If Haechan hadn’t offered to see him at the park, Mark would be dying from boredom. Mark also knows however, that he shouldn’t keep this friendship up with Haechan, he had promised he wouldn’t keep up any of his friendships to only hurt them in the end. He has to end his friendship with Haechan as well. Tonight.

*** 

“Mark, you’re here!” Mark looks over to his left to find Haechan swinging softly on the swings where Mark would usually wait. “Strange huh, you’re normally here first, waiting on these swings, which are surprisingly fun! Come,” Haechan grins patting on the swing beside him.

“I said that I was just coming for the food, no chit chat.” Mark reluctantly sits on the bench avoiding Haechan’s kind gaze. _Ugh why is he being so kind and so cute. Please Haechan, please don’t make this so hard for me._

“Fine, geez Mark never knew you were one to get their panties in a twist,” Haechan softly chuckles as he sits opposite Mark on the bench. He swings up a plastic bag from under the bench table, that is clearly full of snacks. “I’ve already got the snacks so you can chill now yeah?”

Mark rolls his eyes at the younger, trying not to convey his true feelings as best as he could. He starts helping himself to whatever was in the bag, only to find all his favourite snacks. It hurts, the fact that Haechan got to know Mark so well in just a week. It hurts that Mark has to cut off ties with someone as amazing as Haechan.

“You’re not going to share?” Haechan tries his best to act hurt, probably trying to try and get Mark’s attention. “Damn, I mean yeah it’s okay, help yourself, it’s all yours anyway.”

The next hour is filled with Mark munching away at the snacks and Haechan droning away about whatever in the background, well that’s what Haechan thought. Mark listens to how Haechan was annoyed by his science teacher, who just made him hate science even more than he did, how Jaemin and Jeno have been even more affectionate to each other recently and how it makes Haechan gag every time and how his younger friends Jisung and Chenle, who is chinese, are excited about joining their school next year. He heard everything Haechan was saying but had to act like he wasn’t interested and if he is going to be honest it really hurt.

“Okay bye,” Mark dryly exhales. He gets up to put his rubbish away but just as he was about to leave to go back home, something caught his hand.

“Mark, come on, stay a while, please?” Haechan pleads, with his best puppy eyes on display. 

“I already came out here for an hour, is that not enough?” Mark gripes, pulling his hand away from Haechan’s grasp.

“Come on Mark, I know you’ve been a bad mood these past two days, it’s been so obvious, but don’t worry I won’t force you to talk about it if you don’t want to. I just want to help distract you from whatever it is that's bothering you, I mean it is much better than moping around at home. So please stay out for a couple more hours, don’t worry I’ll buy you more food if you want or whatever. For me at least, please Mark?”

Mark forces out an exasperated sigh before nodding. “Fine, whatever. But if I continue not wanting to talk to you after this you better not bother me again okay?” Haechan nods in a burst of quick, fast nods with the biggest pout plastered on his face, _just like a kid._ Mark couldn’t help but mentally fawn over how cute Haechan was in this moment. 

Haechan takes Mark’s hand in his as he leads him back over to the swings. “You better swing with me now okay? It’s really fun, I promise!” Mark unenthusiastically sits on the swing next to Haechan’s, his feet kicking at the stones on the cement.

“So what should we talk about now?” Haechan lyrically muses.

“You’re the one who wanted to talk to me, I don’t know,” Mark simply states in response.

“Ah come on Mark, I spent that last hour talking about everything and anything and now I’ve run dry, help me out here huh?”

“Well I never asked you to keep talking about whatever it was for a whole hour damn, but fine, let’s talk about that stupid shit you got on your bucket list or whatever,” Mark lets out, annoyed.

Haechan beams. “I thought you called that stupid but look at you know wanting to learn about it!”

“Shut the hell up and talk about the god damn bucket list before I change my mind and go back home right now!”

“Damn chill Mark.” Haechan innocently places his hands up in front of him. “There will be no need for that okay, but wow, where should I start.” Haechan looks up towards the sky, probably deciding on what he should talk about first, but Mark cannot help but admire his side profile. His golden skin glowing from the light of the the street lamps, the curve of his nose which Mark thought was adorable, the moles on his cheekbone and neck, his little, soft cheeks, his glittering eyes and the softness of his pink lips. Mark is brought back to reality when Haechan finally speaks up.

“This may seem a bit lame, but it turns out that a lot of the things on my bucket list are stuff I want to do with my partner, my boyfriend, my soulmate. It’s stupid isn’t it?” Haechan smiles weakly at Mark, clearly embarrassed by what he had just said. “Well we’re already here so I’ll just go for it I guess! Mark, have you ever had your first kiss?”

“No…”

“Well like I said, it’s pretty stupid, but one of the things on my bucket list is to have my first kiss while swinging on a swing, like what we’re doing now.” A blush slowly cloaks Haechan’s facial features, as he realises what he was saying a moment ago. “Ah, I’m not saying that I want to have my first kiss now, with yo- ah no wait, it’s not like I hate you or something, I just ugh, just forget about everything I said I gue-“

Haechan’s rambling is cut off by Mark’s lips against his. _It’s soft_ , the first thing to pop in Haechan’s head, perhaps he doesn’t want it to end.

In Mark’s head however, he knew it was a dick move. However, he thought this was the only way he could finally end the friendship or whatever this was between him and Haechan. He has to end it.

“Mark, what was that… I mean I know what that was, but, why?” Thoughts rushing around Haechan’s mind, mainly hopes of what Mark and Haechan could be. 

“I don’t know.” Mark tries his best to keep up his callous facade.

“Yo- you don’t know why you did that?” Haechan breathily whimpers, his voice breaking. 

“Yeah, what did I have to have some reason for it, I mean come on you were practically begging for it. You looked kind of pathetic just talking about how you haven’t had your first kiss, I just gave you your little dream first kiss, happy now?” Mark cruelly smirks.

“Mark who are you? Who the hell does that?” Haechan sniffles, tears welling up in his eyes. “Where has the goofy Mark gone? The one who could only talk about the weather. Mark you’ve changed, whatever is going on with you has changed you for the worse.” Haechan lets his tears fall, giving up on holding them in anymore. “Mark, I enjoyed hanging out with you, but now I don’t know, I am not going to force you to be here if this is how you are going to act! But let me tell you this Mark Lee, I really came to enjoy your company this past week, I really liked you. Mark, I loved you.” 

Those last three words cause Mark to jerk back up to look as Haechan and he regrets everything he had done in that moment. _Haechan’s crying._ Mark’s heart breaks, seeing someone he cares about the most, hurt because of Mark and his stupid ideas. But as much as it hurt Mark, he knows he has to keep this up. 

“Oh, you loved me?” Mark sneers. “Honestly a lot ‘love’ me, or so they claim, do you even know anything about me? What’s my favourite colour?” 

“Mark…” Mark focuses on how Haechan grew more and more pained. “You never tell me these things! I always try and get you to talk about trivial things like that, but you never do! It’s bothered me all this time, but I just let it be as I believed it would come about naturally, but now I can see you were just purposefully keeping everything from me. Look I know I'm not Renjun, but I thought we were at least friends, I thought we could talk comfortably about what friends would talk about, but I was wrong.” 

“You’ve clearly been wrong about more than one thing,” Mark guffaws, pitilessly. “Renjun and I? We aren’t friends.”

Before Mark could burst into more heartless laughter, Haechan slaps him. His hand stings, but his heart stinging more. “Mark, you really are the worst.” Haechan gets up and leaves. Leaves the park, leaves Mark sitting on that swing, with the hopes of never seeing Mark again. 

As much as Haechan wants to just cry and be alone, he knows that he can’t handle being alone, not after all that. 

“Hey, Haechan? Why are you calling me?” Haechan relaxes completely after hearing Renjun’s soft voice through the speaker of his phone. 

“I- I just wanted to,” Haechan exhales out weakly, his tone wavering towards the end. 

“What’s wrong Haechan? Are you ok?” 

“I- It’s Mark.” 

“Ugh, I hoped he wasn’t going to hurt you, but here we are.” Haechan hears Renjun audibly sigh through his speaker, clearly annoyed. “I’m so sorry Haechan, do you want me to come over?” 

“Yes please…”

“Ok, I’ll be outside your house in ten minutes with that strawberry cheesecake ice cream you like!”

“Thank you Renjunnie.” Haechan could feel a small warmth in his chest, he isn’t feeling completely better, but he’s getting there. 

Haechan has already made his way back to his house in around five minutes but decides to just wait for Renjun outside. He brings out his phone so that he could pass the time by just by playing some games but is greeted with his lock screen. A picture of Mark at one of his basketball games.

Haechan curses himself mentally for falling in love with Mark so easily, Mark was right it had only been a week, but Haechan fell for him so quickly, like a loser, especially considering that nothing was real on Mark side. Haechan feels a warm wetness against his cheeks. He’s crying, again. He feels even more pathetic, he still cares about someone who had treated him in the worst way possible. He still loves Mark. He loves how flustered and cute he would get from every little compliment, he loves how his smile grows whenever he ate good food, he loves how he is an extremely attentive listener, he loves how his cheekbones rise when he smiles, he loves watching him play basketball and the list went on. 

“Haechan!” Haechan now broken from his thoughts, looked up to find Renjun running towards him. “Are you ok? I got the ice cream!” Renjun grins as he lifts up a plastic bag from his side, that looks like it may have enclosed around three containers of ice cream. 

Haechan meets Renjun half-way in a hug. “Thank you so much Renjun, I - I just didn’t want to be alone.”

“Are you crying Haechan?” Renjun pushes Haechan away, breaking the hug, so that he could inspect his face. Haechan’s eyes are puffy and red. _He has cried a lot._ “Is this because of Mark?” Renjun sounds angry, which comes as a shock to Haechan. Renjun is seldom angry. “Ugh that idiot. Okay, should we go talk about this inside.” 

Haechan places his arm out in front of Renjun and tepidly shakes his head. “Let’s go somewhere else.”

“Oh, are your parents home?” Haechan nods back in reply, tight-lipped. “Oh damn, shall we go to the park?” 

Haechan falls silent. He only had left the park around 10 minutes ago, Mark could still be there and that’s the person he least wants to see right now. “Mark…”

“Wait, you just came from the park? After hanging out with Mark? Damn, I should’ve known. Okay, stay behind me, we will go scope out the park to check if he is still there, if he is, we’ll just go to the next park cool?” Haechan nods, uneasy. 

The two cautiously make their way back to the park, Renjun leading. There aren’t many places the two could hide in the park’s vicinity, it’s an open area with the convenience store on one side and rows of houses around the other three, didn’t really make things comfortable for Haechan. 

Renjun decides that it would be best if both enter the store and Renjun will then check who is in the park through the windows of the store. As soon as they had entered the store Haechan makes a beeline for one of the aisles at the back of the store, in hopes of some sort of coverage from the outside world. He ends up in the snack aisle. He eyes the different products, all with different memories of Mark whenever the two had hung out at the park. He bites at his lower lip, trying to fight back the tears that are threatening to fall once again. 

“Haech- Haechan are you okay?” Renjun shakes Haechan awake from his reveries. “Haechan, Mark’s not here, it’s okay.” He places his arms around Haechan and gives him a brief, comforting squeeze. “Let’s go huh, get this off your chest?” 

Renjun takes a seat on one of the benches and thrusts the plastic carrier bag full of ice cream out towards Haechan. “You should eat this soon, it’s probably already starting to melt.” Haechan takes the bag from Renjun and sits on the seat next to him. “You don’t have to tell me soon, take all the time you need, it’s probably quite painful, considering how hurt you look-“ 

“He kissed me. Mark kissed me.”

“Wha- What the fuck! No, honestly I knew he was upset, but that’s not an excuse to be such a jerk-“ 

“No, it’s fine Renjun. He’s right I was basically asking for it.” 

“What do you mean?”

“You know I have a bucket list right?” Renjun nods, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “Well Mark asked about it, and I told about one of things on it. It was that I wanted my first kiss to be on the swings and guess what, we were on the swings.” Haechan lets out a long sigh of despair, he feels pathetic, again.

“Haechan, that’s not your fault. That was just Mark being an ass, ugh what the hell is he thinking?” Renjun paces around, evidently vexed.

“I wanted to ask you about that… What exactly is wrong with Mark, Renjun? He has been like that since yesterday. I thought it would pass but obviously not, it must be a pretty big deal.” 

“Uh, that’s probably not my place to say honestly.” Renjun throws an apologetic smile Haechan’s way before sitting back down next to him. “The thing Mark is going through right now is big, I really think he should be the one to tell you, if he wants to that it, it took him like seven years to tell me, so don’t be to hurt if he doesn’t tell you.” 

“Seven years?!” Haechan stares at Renjun, gob smacked. “This has been an ongoing thing, why has he only become like _that_ only recently?”

“To be honest? I don’t even know myself, but I can tell you something! Mark has been like this before!” Renjun glances over at Haechan, observing his reactions. “A couple years ago, something happened… It kind of relates to what’s happening right now. Mark decided to isolate himself, he wasn’t talking to anyone and anyone who tried to communicate with him he would lash out at. I think that’s what he is doing now, my guess is that he’s just trying to protect himself from anything else that’s going on or may happen.” Renjun notices a glistening tear fall down Haechan’s cheek. “Oh my god, have you always been such a cry baby Haechan!” 

“I’m sorry, it’s just that, I never knew? And I treated him so harshly before, Renjun I slapped him for crying out loud!” Haechan snivels, wiping away at his tears with the palms of his hands. “I don’t know, I thought we were friends, that he would hopefully come to me if he was upset, but I guess he did not consider me a friend this whole time, well I know that now. Renjun you better not be hiding anything from me, like we are friends right!”

Renjun chuckles, “Haechan, I’m not hiding anything from you don’t worry, also Mark deserved that slap, he shouldn’t have been such a jerk. But yeah, all this time I’ve known Mark, I’ve learnt that he can be really safe-guarded. He has lost a lot and I presume he doesn’t want to be hurt like that ever again.”

“Is there any way I could at le- at least comfort him in some sort of way?” Haechan questions. All he could think about was how alone Mark must be feeling, he hopes he could support him.

“Ahh, the best thing I could suggest right now is to leave him be? Everyone deserves a bit of space, just wait for him to come around cause he will.” Renjun pushes himself up off the bench. “Honestly though? I think we should get going now. You shouldn’t spend too much time thinking about this, cause like I said, he’ll come around.” Renjun offers his hand out to Haechan.

“Fine, whatever, but if he doesn’t come around or whatever you won’t hear the end of it.” Haechan pulls a face a Renjun before taking his hand and pulling himself up.

***

 

Staying close behind Lucas and Jeno, Mark plods bitterly towards the gym. It’s Wednesday afternoon, meaning Mark has basketball practice for several hours. He really shouldn’t still be playing basketball, but it’s not like Mark has any other plans tonight, so this was now simply something to pass the time.

Mark listens to Jeno and Lucas talk about the upcoming match only then to be harshly pulled into some classroom on his left.

“What the fuck? What the hell are you doing?” Mark shakes off the strong grip that the random prick had on his arm.

“Damn, calm down Mark!” The stranger says in a sarcastic tone.

“Ja- Jaemin? What the hell Jaemin?!” Mark finds Jaemin standing opposite him and gives him a dirty look. “What are you doing? What do you want?”

“Honestly the only thing I want is for my friends to be happy, but you seem to be messing with that.”

“Stop being so cryptic. What the hell do you want?” Mark spits. 

“Okay you sit with us at lunch, right? So, you should know how tense it has been at the table recently. I’ve looked into it and it appears you’re the main problem.” Jaemin paces around, inquisitively. “The real question here is: What _the hell_ is wrong with you Mark Lee? Your sour mood is upsetting everyone. What’s wrong?”

“Well first off, I don’t even want to sit with you guys, I’ve been dragged to your table every day this week, against my will. Maybe next time don’t force me to sit with you guys and then you can have a more enjoyable lunch time huh?” Mark turns back towards the door before Jaemin seizes his arm again.

“Not so fast,” Jaemin grins. “You know, I’ve always wanted to say that wow.”

Mark groans, “Hurry up for fuck’s sake!”

“Ok damn, well you should remember that you were the one who initiated the merge of our two groups, so it’s really weird how you suddenly _hate_ us all now.” Jaemin emphasises on the word ‘hate’ with quotation marks before putting his hands in the air and taking a step back innocuously.

“Ugh, yeah it may have been me who brang you guys together in the first place, but that doesn’t mean I have to stay with you guys! So, what can I say? I got bored of you guys!” Mark curls his lips in disdain. “Are we done now? I’ve got to go basketball practice!”

“Mark you don’t think I know? Jeno and Lucas have told me all about how you have basically stopped playing basketball for some unknown reason, probably the same reason you’ve been such a dick recently.” Mark thinks Jaemin looks awfully proud of himself, but he can’t allow his facade to break right now.

“So, you suddenly know everything that’s going on with me right now? Shut the hell Jaemin, cause you’re talking too much for someone who knows jack shit-“ 

“Yeah, I don’t what the fuck is going on with you Mark Lee but let me tell you of things that I’ve heard. You’re terribly popular Mark, many people claim that’s because of your approachable and friendly personality, even those on the basketball team say that, but you know what else they say? That you are quite reserved, you never really open up to others. From what I’ve heard, it seems that you’ve put up quite the protective front and I’m guessing that’s what you’re doing right now, something has happened so you’re pushing everyone close to you away. Well let me tell you something, me and you personally aren’t that close, but you definitely are fairly close to everyone else on our table but you’re pushing them away by being extremely harsh. I don’t know what the hell is going on with you, but that gives you NO right to treat any of your friends that way and it also doesn’t allow you to push them away. Yeah you may want to be alone right now or whatever, but you don’t get to decide when your friends are going to be beside you, that’s their choice. Your friends aren’t out to hurt or pester you, they can be by your side supporting you quietly, but you’re being so ignorant, thinking that your friends are going to annoy you about it. That is not what friends are, though I don’t think you would know about that Mark Lee, you have probably never allowed yourself to experience a friendship like that, but perhaps it’s time for you to grow up.” Jaemin turns around and takes a large breath. “That’s my view on it, take it or leave it Mark Lee.”

An uncomfortable silence permeates the air before Mark feebly lets out a terse 'Thank you' to Jaemin.

“Mark Lee, thanking me? I’m honestly so surprised that my deductions we-“ 

“Jaemin, my dad died.”

“Oh my god, Mark, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have been so relentless. Oh my- Fuck.” Jaemin agitatedly paces around the room, running a hand through his hair.

“Jaemin stop. It happened a couple of years ago, I’m fine now. But something happened recently that triggered those memories and you’re right, I tried to isolate myself. I thought I would be protecting everyone by doing that, but I didn’t think about how I would actually be hurting them.” Tears fall on Marks cheeks. “Oh my god, Jaemin, what the fuck have I been doing, no what the fuck!”

“Mark calm down. Ok it’s not too bad right now, I mean you haven’t been able to hurt anyone too badly right?” Jaemin has his hands on Marks shoulders, attempting to calm him down.

“I uh- I kissed Haechan.”

“What? You like him? Ok that’s not too bad, we can work with that, I think. What happened exactly?” Jaemin looks Mark in the eyes, eyebrows furrowed, and lips pursed. 

“Jaemin, I was such a jerk. He was talking about his bucket list, how one of the items on it was to kiss someone while you’re both swinging on the swings and I kissed him then. He told me that he loved me but I told him that I kissed him because he looked pathetic. I-“ Mark gives up, not wanting to recall that event for any longer. 

“Mark you really were an idiot. First pushing away your friends and secondly doing so in such a way. You played with his feelings, what the fuck.” Jaemin exhales deeply, burdened. “Mark do you like Haechan?”

“I think so? I mean I enjoy being with him and I wish I was, all the tim-“

“Okay, sounds like you’re whipped! That should make this easy then. You’re going to go apologise to Haechan, tell him you were trying to protect him cause you were hurting and didn’t want to hurt him in the process. You can talk to him about the details if you want, that’s your choice. Then hopefully he should forgive you, which should be easy cause it’s obvious you care for him, just make sure that you make it obvious in your apology! Also, maybe mention how I did God’s work and enlightened you!” Jaemin pats Marks back and pushes him forward, towards the door. “So tomorrow after school you’re going to go apologise to Haechan. He normally gets to the park or starts making his way there around six-thirty? Seven? So that’s when you’re going to finally get him back okay? Better get it done sooner than later!”

“What about Renjun? I’ve hurt him a lot as well and he’s my best friend! I have to apologise to him!” Mark curses, realising that he forgot that he had hurt Renjun as well.

“Renjun told me he was busy tomorrow? A date I think?”

Mark almost chokes, “A date?”

“Yeah Mark, a date. You have really got to catch up huh?” Jaemin snickers, as if that was the most obvious piece of information in the world. “Ok focus on one thing at a time. The first thing you gotta do is apologise to Haechan, so tonight think about what you are going to say tomorrow cause you have to make sure that it’s sincere!”

“Jaemin, how are you so sure that it’s going to work? I’m pretty sure that Haechan hates me at this point…” Mark mumbles, looking back warily at Jaemin.

“Mark, Haechan cares about you, a lot. All this week he has been worrying about you, even today, which is after the kiss let me remind you. Why do you even think I decided to come here today? Haechan still likes you Mark, go get him back before it’s too late!”

*** 

Mark spent all day avoiding the others at school today, he hadn’t fully prepared what he was going to say to them to apologise and anyway he knew he had to apologise to Renjun and Haechan first. Jaemin had already called him to remind him of the plan and now Mark believes that he’s ready. 

When Mark reaches the park he doesn’t see Haechan anywhere and audibly sighs. _What the fuck Jaemin._

**mark [18:33]**

**jaemin what the fuck**

**haechan is not here**

**nana [18:38]**

**omg chill mark**

**i also told you that he could also be making his way there soon**

**or did you not hear that through your selective hearing**

**damn**

**but you know what**

**you can use this to your advantage**

**buy some snacks and stuff**

**you can use that later to bait him if he decides that he actually doesn’t want to see you or something**

**and if you don’t need them to bait him**

**use it as a peace offering**

**your welcome**

**mark [18:40]**

**jaemin,,**

**i haven’t even got that much on me rn**

**and i wanted to use it on something else for later anyways**

**nana [18:42]**

**mark now of ALL times is not one to be stingy**

**you need to do everything in your power so that haechan will forgive you**

**or are you okay with losing him**

**mark [18:43]**

**no…**

**fine ugh**

**nana [18:45]**

**lmaoo if it’s really that deep, i’ll give you back whatever money you spend today on snacks**

**but uno mark that ain’t good for you**

**remember you’re trying your best NOT to be a jerk**

**don’t forget that**

**mark [18:46]**

**jheez fine**

**i’ll get the snacks**

**AND you don’t need to give me any money back**

**cool??**

**nana [18:46]**

**omg yes**

**ahh my markiepoo is growing up!!**

**omg**

**can i please call you markiepoo from now on ??**

**mark [18:47]**

**uhhh no**

**pls don’t**

**nana [18:47]**

**come on please**

**pleeeeaaaaassssseeeee**

**we friends now right??**

**mark [18:48]**

**yea ig**

**nana [18:48]**

**then all the more reason**

**i mean i give all my mates nicknames**

**and yours should be markiepoo !!**

**pleasee, prettttty pleaaassse**

**mark [18:49]**

**ugh fine**

**don’t let the others call me that tho**

**and i’m gonna go get those snacks now**

**so talk later yea**

**nana [18:50]**

**yep, see you markiepoo :)))**

**and good luck !!**

Luckily Mark knows what Haechan likes, so at least he won't disappoint him here. Mark spends all the money that he’s got, hoping Haechan would forgive him a lot easier as he’s got more snacks to bribe him with.

Mark sits on the swings, just like he would have before whenever he waited for Haechan, but this time round, he’s not even sure that Haechan will stick around. He swings back and forth on the swing, letting the bag swing with him, he hopes this will distract him but he is just even more scared. He gets off the swing and heads towards the exit, last minute nerves getting the best of him. He stops right before the exit however, knowing that he doesn’t want to lose Haechan forever and that if he doesn’t apologise now he will definitely lose him. Mark is stuck in this awkward limbo of wanting to chicken out and wanting to stay for Haechan for around seven minutes before something brings him back to his senses. 

“Mark?” Mark looks up to find Haechan on the opposite side of the fencing staring right back at him. “What- what are you doing here?” Haechan looks almost like he’s scared of Mark. Mark watches as Haechan slowly steps back, away from Mark and it hurts.

“Wait Haechan, don’t go.” Mark restlessly paces around before making his way towards Haechan. “Look you know what? I’m just going come out with this quick. I’m sorry Haechan.” Mark observes Haechan’s face, it goes from scared to confused in a matter of seconds as he comes to terms to what Mark said. “Yeah Haechan, I’m so sorry for what happened on Tuesday, I wasn’t in my right mind, I’m sorry.” 

Mark feels a sharp burn on the left side of his face that felt strangely familiar. Haechan has just slapped him, again. “Yeah you were out of you mind!” _Haechan sounds angry, that’s, understandable._ “Mark, you were so cruel, you knew how much I cared about my bucket list, but you treated it like it was worthless, like my dreams are worthless!” Mark watches as a tear fell from Haechan’s eye. He unconsciously moves his hand towards Haechan’s face, his thumb going to wipe the tear away from under Haechan’s eye. Mark’s thumb brushes past Haechan’s lower eyelashes, the sudden action flushes Haechan’s cheeks as he suddenly becomes quiet. “Mark… Mark I missed you!” 

Mark hugs the now weeping Haechan from across the gate. “Haechan I know, I know and I’m so so sorry, really.” Mark breaks the hug and propels the bag of snacks towards Haechan, offering him an inviting smile. “I’ll answer whatever questions you have to the best of my ability, if you hang out with me for a bit. I got you snacks!”

Haechan giggles softly, “Sure, okay Mark. By the way I have a lot of questions, so we are going to be here a while.”

The two sit on their usual bench, on either side so that they are facing each other. Haechan empties out the bag, all of its contents falling out onto the bench table.

“Oh my god, Mark,” Haechan stifles a sob. “I really thought that I meant nothing to you, but you know all my favourite snacks!”

“Or I just took an educated guess,” Mark jokes only to receive a flimsy whack at his arm from Haechan. 

“So where shall I start hmm.” Haechan massages his temples, trying to look like he was thinking deeply about something. “Mark, what’s your favourite colour?”

“What?” Mark stammers. “Why are you asking about something so trivial for?” 

“Well even if you didn’t really mean what you said on Tuesday, it was and is true. Mark we’re friends but I don’t know any of these seemingly trivial things about you, so are we really friends. Mark I really want to fix this and that means becoming stronger and closer friends than we were before okay? Promise me that you’ll work towards becoming closer friends as well?” Haechan offers out his pinky finger and Mark reciprocates the promise. He wants this as much if not more than Haechan does. 

“Okay, uhh my favourite colour is blue? Honestly, I never really thought about it, but yeah, I guess I like blue.” Mark looks happy, pleased with his answer. “What about you Haechan?”

“Well Mark, it’s real cute that you have a favourite colour, but I don’t. Unlike you I don’t have favourite things, well not really. I accept and appreciate everyone, everything and every colour for who and what they are.” Haechan grins mischievously at Mark. “It’s okay if you have favourite things though Mark, cause like I said I appreciate everyone for who they are and that includes you! Even if you were being a jerk a couple of days ago and that nicely moves me along to my next question. Why exactly were you being such a dick these last few days?”

Mark exhales a long sigh. He knew this was coming and as much as he tried to prepare for it he never really was, especially not now. Mark chuckles shrinkingly, “So where should I start? Well so something happened, something that triggered some painful past memories. Maybe Renjun has told you about this, I don’t know, but in these past memories I remember isolating myself by hurting those around me so they wouldn't stay by my side, one of those people being Renjun. I thought I was protecting those around me by doing so, but I see now that I was actually just protecting myself. Ha, who knew I could be so selfish? But that’s what I was doing these past couple of days. I fell back into that dark place and was pushing all of you away so that you guys couldn’t hurt me anymore than I already was. I can't believe I thought that way of you guys, I’m honestly terrible. Jaemin helped me though. Yesterday he cornered me and just told me everything’s straight, something that rarely happens cause everyone seems to idolise me in this school or something. From Jaemin, I was able to see everything that I was doing from a different perspective, how cruel I really was being, and I guess that’s really it. It was long but I was able to do the right thing in the end, I’m here now and I’m not going to shut you guys out anymore to selfishly protect myself. Instead I'm going to even more selfishly ask you to stay by my side until it all gets better. Is that okay?”

“Oh my god, Mark.” Haechan locks Mark in a warm hug. “I’m so sorry but of course I’m going to stay by your side! We’re friends Mark and we are only going to grow closer remember. But another question. What is it that happened? I mean you don’t have to tell me if you’re uncomfortable, but I just thought I would ask.”

Mark ends hug early. “I’m sorry Haechan, I don’t think I’m ready to tell you what happened a few days ago, I mean I’m still pretty distressed by it.” Mark gazes pitifully at Haechan, his face growing more upset. “I can tell you about what happened a couple of years ago though, I guess I’ve finally spent enough time to get over it now. Back then it was when my dad died.” 

“No, oh my god, I’m so sorry Mark.” Haechan aids Mark with comforting eyes. “Don’t worry, I won’t force you to tell me about the other thing. But who were they, the people around you at that time, when your dad had died? Well apart from Renjun that is.” Haechan keeps his eyes on Mark with a concerned frown forming on his features. 

“It was just Renjun and my mum. Yeah Renjun, Lucas and I are childhood friends, but I wasn’t as close to Lucas back then, it had only been a few years since Renjun and Lucas had moved into the neighbourhood. Renjun could speak and understand a fair amount of Korean, but Lucas only really knew Chinese and Thai, so he only comfortably talked to Renjun, which explains his weird obsession with him now. But yeah, I pushed away Renjun and my mum. Renjun I was able to grow close to again, after I had explained everything again to him after several months, but unfortunately, I wasn’t able to rekindle the relationship between my mum and I. We have never been as close as we were before that.” Mark smiles weakly at the younger. 

“Mark, I’m so so-“

“Stop apologising, please. It’s not your fault. Also, that’s another reason why I don’t like telling people, they’ll pity me. They’ll start treating me differently, start tiptoeing around me. Please don’t do that Haechan.” Mark pleads.

“Okay Mark, I promise, I’ll stop apologising, but let me make this clear, I’m not pitying you. Really. It’s far from it. I’m apologising to you on behalf of your cruel fate, Mark you don’t deserve this okay? I’m so upset that someone as kind and amazing as you has to go through something so dreadful.”

Mark releases the breath he was unconsciously holding in, relieved. “Thank you Haechan, for everything. You’re honestly so amazing. You’ve been so patient and forgiving with me, I honestly don’t deserve it not after these past few days. But anyways do you have anymore questions.” 

“Hmm no,” Haechan smiles softly at Mark. “But Mark you did deserve the second chance, everyone does, so stop putting yourself down okay?! Oh yeah, what about Renjun? I know he was very hurt by you as well. Have you apologised to him yet?”

“Apparently he had a date today?” Mark starts, unsure.

“Oh yeah, he did,” Haechan guffaws. “I’m still so surprised by it honestly. But yeah when were you planning to apologise to him then?”

“I want to apologise to him tomorrow, but I have to find some time before lunch to do it. I want everything to be back to how it was a lunch, so everyone can be happy and Jaemin can finally get off my back.” Mark sighs perhaps slightly bothered by how much work he realised he has to do. 

“Ah, don’t worry. I can help you with that!”

*** 

“Look, I’m sorry man,” Mark repeats around the tenth time today. 

“Mark chill, I’ve already forgiven you. You can stop now ok.” Lucas walks ahead of Mark towards the cafeteria. “You know what you could do, you can hurry up. Mark it’s Friday and you know what that means. It’s chip day!”

“What the hell dude, you literally brushed off every other apology I made today, how was I supposed to know!” Mark whines, running up beside Lucas.

“Well I’m sorry then, it was funny okay. Especially how I didn’t know what the hell you were apologising for.” 

“Wait what?” Mark questions, irritated. “What the fuck, do you not even know what was going on with me? Going on with the rest of your friends this whole week? Wow what a great friend you are Lucas!” Mark brushes past ahead of Lucas.

“Wow Mark real mature of you to pin the blame on me, when this whole thing was originally your fault!” Lucas chortles, mockingly.

“Oh my god Lucas, can’t you just shut up for once.” Mark tries his best to act annoyed, but he’s fighting back the urge to laugh with Lucas. It was nice to know that he had successfully apologised to one of his friends, even if said friend didn’t even know what he was trying to apologise for. 

The two make their way towards the furthest table, their table. Mark however feels nervous, he spent all week trying to avoid that table and he is not to sure if he is still welcome there at this point. Three boys are already sitting there, Haechan, Jaemin and Jeno. Mark starts to scrutinise Jeno cautiously once he reaches the table’s proximity, Haechan notices this and intervenes.

“Mark don’t worry, Jaemin and I have already explained everything to Jeno.” Mark sighs in relief as he takes the seat next to Haechan.

“Yeah I’m sorry about all of that.”

“Mark, he doesn’t even know what you’re apologising for,” Haechan voices.

“Wait, so both you and Lucas had no idea what was going on these past couple of day?” Mark queries, eyes wide.

Both boys nod nonchalantly, resulting in erupting laughter from the other three on the table.

“Oh wow,” Jaemin wheezes, slapping the table. “Even I knew, and Mark and I weren’t even friends like that damn.” The boys in question shrug at each other from across the table.

“I mean we do have a upcoming match,” Jeno starts, after the other three had caught their breath. “You can’t blame us for being kind of out of it, the coach was literally on our backs the whole time.” Lucas vigorously nods his head to what Jeno was saying. “Oh yeah, you guys are coming to watch our match tomorrow right?”

“Yeah of course babe,” Jaemin cooed as he went to hug Jeno’s arm. Haechan visibly gags causing Mark to burst into more laughter.

“Oh yeah, where’s Renjun?” Mark inquires, after having finally calming down.

“Oh thank us later Mark, but we nominated him to be the representative for our school for the potential students for next year. He currently talking to our teach,” Haechan grins, proud.

“So why am I thanking you exactly?”

“Don’t you want to apologise to Renjun before we all have lunch.” Mark slowly nods, belatedly realising what they had planned. “Well if you hurry up you could probably go catch him and apologise before he gets here. Hurry up then Mark!”

“Oh wow, I really do owe you guys.” Mark thanks them briefly before getting up to leave. “Uh, I’ll see you guys in a bit, hopefully after Renjun has forgiven me.” He gives the rest of them a nervous smile. 

“Good luck Mark!” Haechan yells, closely followed suit by the others.

Mark rushes to the lower corridor classrooms, where the lower school’s classes take place. Renjun’s a part of the lower school along with Haechan, Jeno and Jaemin while Mark and Lucas are part of the upper school, mainly based in the upper corridor.

Mark finally makes his way to room 213, where the others said he would find Renjun. He looks through the windows of the door to see Renjun still talking to his teacher about whatever.

Mark takes a large breath, trying to prepare for when he would come face to face with Renjun after four days of actively avoiding him. Unfortunately, he spends to long prepping himself with his back to the door that he doesn’t notice Renjun approach. The door hits Mark’s back, bringing Mark back to his senses.

“What the hell- Mark? Mark what are you doing?” Renjun peers around the door, with his eyes now on Mark. Mark could see Renjun looked uncomfortable, hurt, understandable considering how long Mark has been ignoring him. 

“Hey Renjun,” Mark begins, awkwardly bringing his hand up to wave at Renjun. “Uh, let me just move so you can properly come out of the room.”

Renjun closes the door behind him before turning back towards the older. “Mark, are you okay?” Mark felt a warmth in his chest, Renjun still cares for him, even with how terribly Mark treated him. 

“Yeah Renjun I’m fine, but you shouldn’t be worrying about that.” Renjun furrows his eyebrows as he continues to scrutinise Mark. “Renjun, I’m sorry. I’ve treated you like shit this past week, but you know what, you were right, about everything. Renjun I was hurt. Renjun I was so scared, I am so scared, but I treated you like I did back then and I’m so sorry Renjun. I’ve been able to get myself together a lot quicker this time around, well Jaemin helped me a bit I guess, but I understand now, I’m not in this alone.” Mark smiles warmly at the younger, hoping his message got across to him.

“Oh my god, Mark.” Renjun encloses Mark in a tender hug. “Thank god, Mark you’re back ahh I’m so happy, I guess I have to thank Jaemin for that huh? But thank god that you understand Mark.” Renjun pushes Mark away to look him in the eyes. “Like I said on Saturday, I’m always going to be by your side through everything, even when you weren’t talking to me, I was on you side. Mark, I’m always and forever by your side okay? And nothing you will do can change that because I know you Mark. The you these past couple of days was not you. I know that you will always be that awkward but friendly loser who couldn’t even hurt a fly.”

“Renjun, don’t piss me off,” Mark uncomfortably laughs through his clenched teeth.

“Oh come on Mark, that’s the least you deserve, looking back on everything you put me through this past week,” Renjun cheekily lets out. 

“So have you apologised to Haechan yet?” Renjun questions, as the two start making their way back towards the cafeteria.

“Yeah, I did yesterday,” Mark smiles, completely alleviated. 

Renjun smirks, “Oh so you apologised to Haechan first huh?” 

“Oh my god, Renjun it's not like that!” Mark moans turning around to face Renjun. “You had a date yesterday anyways.”

A pink rosiness veils Renjun’s lineaments. He faintly laughs, “Mark how did you know that? Well uhh it’s not a big deal anyways.”

“I thought we were friends Renjun!” Mark exaggeratedly whines, clearly enjoying this too much. “Please, who was it? Please tell me, we’re friends, aren’t we?”

“You’re just going to make it a big deal! And anyway, if you’re going to be like this, let’s make a trade. I’ll tell you who I went on a date with, if you honestly tell me your feelings about Haechan. It can’t just be like you saying that you like him, cause I am asking about your romantic feelings for him.” Renjun hopes he had had deterred the older from asking anymore question. He was wrong. 

“Fine, ok, whatever, deal!” Mark basically yells, almost scaring Renjun off his feet. “I’m only doing this cause I’m promised myself that I would be a better friend to you guys. So, yeah, perhaps I do _like_ Haechan, I uhh like him a lot, and yeah perhaps that may be romantically, but I honestly don’t know yet,” Mark lets out a sigh, frustrated. “So then, what about you? Who's the lucky girl? Guy?” 

“Mark you know I’m gay, who you kidding damn. But uhh it’s Xuxi.” 

“Xuxi? You mean Lucas?! Wow I haven’t heard that name in looong time. You must really like him wow!” Mark chortles at how unlikely the pairing had seemed to him.

“I mean, he can be cute sometimes I guess, but Mark, please don’t tell the others. At least not right now, cause even I’m not too sure where this is heading right now.” Renjun lets out a large breath that he was unknowingly holding in, a huge weight off his shoulders. “Also, I won’t force any more out of you regarding Haechan, I’ll just wait patiently for you to come to me with the news that you’re finally in love with him,” Renjun beams at Mark, and Mark couldn’t find it in himself to try and hate him for a minute. He’s just so happy that he has now got his best friend back. 

The two make their way into the cafeteria and find the boys from their table staring at both in relief. 

“So, I'm guessing it went well then?” Jaemin grins, already knowing the answer. “I mean you’re both smiling.”

“No, I hate him!” Renjun throws a fake tantrum as he falls dramatically into his seat.

“You can't blame me! Renjun is so stubborn, he doesn’t believe I’m trying to change!” Mark carries on the act but doesn’t keep it up for that long and he breaks out into a large smile. 

“Well no need to thank me then!” Jaemin is the next to throw a fake outburst.

“Oh my god, guys please stop acting like drama queens for once!” Haechan interrupts, before a sheepish grin appears on his face. “It’s finally back to the way it was, our group is the best it can be when we are all together!” 

“Ok Haechan please stop with all this cheesy shit, we get it ok!” Jeno gags, this side of Haechan is not seen that frequently, but that made it all the more cringier. 

“So Renjun, how does it feel to be the representative of our school to help all the potential students?” Lucas asks, his voice muffled as his mouth full of food. 

“Well I didn’t know these guys were going to just ditch me like that! But it’s cool I guess, our friends Jisung and Chenle are some of the potential students as well so hopefully that’ll make the whole ordeal easier.” Renjun gives the guys a tight-lipped smile, clearly nervous about the whole thing. 

“Oh Chenle? The chinese one?” Mark asks, indifferent.

“How the hell did you know that?” Jeno eyes are wide, surprised from what Mark just said. “Legit, I thought he was mute the first couple of months that I knew him, it turns out he just wasn’t confident in Korean yet.” 

“I may have mentioned it once,” Haechan makes known, hesitantly. “But I didn’t think he was listening?” 

“Of course I was.” The others watch as both Mark and Haechan’s face slowly became a crimson colour. 

“Ok you keep that, whatever it is, to yourself lovebirds,” Jaemin snickers. “But Jisung told me a couple days ago he and Chenle could spend the summer at my holiday house in Busan, you guys want in?”

“Sometimes I forget that you’re filthy rich Jaemin,” Renjun almost stutters. “But sure, I’m in!” Haechan and Jeno follow suit, leaving both Marks and Lucas gawking a Jaemin.

“You own a holiday house,” Lucas starts slowly. 

“Oh, not just one, but several all over Korea and even abroad.” Jaemin smirks, enjoying teasing the two.

“Oh my god, Jaemin let the two babies breathe for a second!” Haechan whisper yells, smoothing the back of Mark’s hair. 

“I said keep whatever you two lovebirds have going on to yourself! Get a room even!” Jaemin grimaces at the affection on public display. 

“Wow, like you’re one to talk Jaemin!” Haechan eyes Jaemin and Jeno, the two were unsurprisingly in very close proximity. Haechan exclaims, “I mean look at you two! Mark and I aren’t even together, we are just friends!”

Jaemin hums, “Hmm sure, whatever you say.” Renjun smirks to himself, recalling what Mark had said earlier to himself.

“Well are we going to be heading to your holiday house straight away next week, when summer break starts?” Jeno voices. 

“Well it depends what you guys want to do really.”

“Uh we should probably go straight away.” Renjun throws a quick glance Mark’s way before carrying on. “You know this is Mark and Lucas’ last year, the summer is all we’ve got before sending them off into the real world or whatever.”

“Oh yeah, damn.” The whole table falls silent a melancholy mood enveloping the six. “Well why don’t we just leave early? Like tomorrow after the basketball match?”

“Jaemin, what the hell?” Renjun curses. “We’ve still got school until Wednesday next week!” 

“Yeah but nothing important actually goes on! Mark and Lucas could’ve left last week but god knows what kept them. Renjun don’t worry we won’t miss anything!” Jaemin puts on his signature grin, in attempt to comfort the older. 

“Ugh fine, but if we get in any sort of trouble it’s on you Na Jaemin!” 

“Chill Renjun, don’t you know my parents are the main benefactors of this school. The staff here, actually no one here can touch me!” Jaemin smugly falls back into his seat.

“Yeah, you! What about us?!” Renjun shouts, irritated. 

“Damn, don’t worry, I’ll sort something out, so you guys better start packing!”

*** 

“Mark, over here!” Mark looks around to find the owner of the voice. He sees Haechan jumping up and down, waving. Renjun and Jaemin are already there, standing by Haechan. 

“Wow, I expected you to be the late one, but Mark you’re really pushing it!” Jaemin hurriedly lets out, already making his way towards the entrance of the school gym. “Now we’ve only got three minutes to go find some decent seats before the game starts!”

Haechan stops to briefly try and comfort Mark before rushing over to Jaemin. 

“Geez, why is he so stressed? This is the first time experiencing the other side on things.” Mark mumbles, trying catch up with the other two. “I mean you understand right Renjun? I’ve always been in the basketball team, in there preparing for the match. It’s just so weird being one of the spectators.” 

Renjun sighs, “Yeah Mark, I understand. Such a first world problem isn’t it. Just hurry up, before Jaemin gets more pissed!”

Mark shuffles past the rows of bleachers behind Haechan, as Jaemin is at the front, trying to lead the four to a nice, free spot.

“Wow, finally, I can't believe you was able to find such a good spot Jaemin!” Haechan cheers, as he falls into his seat. Jaemin found a space towards the top of the bleachers, giving the boys a clear view of the whole game. 

Mark takes out several bags from his backpack, abundant in snacks. He continues to take more snacks out of his pockets as the other three watch him in shock. Jaemin starts howling with laughter, causing Mark to jump back and hit the back of his head on the seats behind him. 

“Mark why have you got so many snacks?” Haechan begins, rubbing the back of Mark’s head which he just hit. 

“Ugh, don’t you guys eat during the games. I mean I remember seeing people eating whenever I played.” Mark winces. 

“Yeah, but we never bring the snacks, they sell snacks here.” Jaemin wheezes out, still in shock from the amount of snacks Mark brought. 

“Yeah, but I don’t even have that much money on me? Are you guys going to buy me snacks?” Mark scoffs. 

“Well first off Mark, the snacks here aren’t as expensive as the ones you find at the cinema or something, and also you’re forgetting something. Jaemin here can get us all the snacks for free, cause his parents are technically the ones who paid for them.” Renjun states matter-of-factly. Mark mentally curses himself for making a fool out of himself yet again. 

“Jaemin-hyung!” 

Mark looks up to find two boys approaching the four. They seem fairly young but still quite tall, both are definitely taller than Renjun. The shorter boy of the two has fair skin and pale green hair and Mark couldn’t help but internally cringe at the colour choice. The taller boy is a bit more tan, and has bright apricot coloured hair, Mark finds this boy’s height slightly intimidating.

“Jisung, Chenle you’re here! My babies!” Jaemin cries as he practically leaps over the other three to capture the two in a hug. 

“So, Jisung and Chenle right? So, uh who’s who?” Mark awkwardly interjects. 

“Oh yeah, I forgot you don’t know them yet Mark,” Renjun starts as Jaemin finally lets the two in question breathe. “So, this tall ass walking apricot here is Jisung, he is also the youngest, and the cabbage patch kid is Chenle.” 

“Who’s the loser you picked up off the street?” Mark thinks Jisung is the one who asked but is not really sure yet. 

“Uh, I’m Mark and that Mark-hyung to you!” Mark hisses, not fond of how rude the kid seems.

“Mark, don’t be too harsh, these two are practically inseparable and when they’re together they enjoy playing pranks, probably why they come off rude at first.” Haechan smiles, pinching both boys’ cheeks. “But once you get to know them, they can be pretty sweet! Also, Chenle, Jisung, Mark is the oldest here so at least show him some respect when it’s due okay?” 

“Wow, what an old hag!” Chenle cackles, smug. Mark watches as Jisung snickers along with him and they go for a fist bump. 

“Are they normally this rude?” Mark whispers over to Haechan. 

“Like I said they can be sweethearts, but I don’t know maybe you are an old hag.” Haechan giggles softly and Mark can’t find it in him to hit him, but he does and receives a yelp from Haechan.

“Oh my god, can you guys sit down, the game is going to start!” Jaemin whisper shouts as he goes back to his seat next to Haechan and Jisung and Chenle take their seats next to Renjun.

*** 

“Congrats babe!” Jaemin cheers as he jumps into Jeno’s arms. “But we’ve been knew, of course you guys were going to win, it was kind of hard watching the other team play, they were so bad.”

“Yeah, good going you guys!” Renjun smiles, carrying both his and Jaemin’s bags over to the group.

“Thanks, babe.” Lucas smirks, to then receive confused looks from everyone else.

“Ugh what the fuck Lucas, and to think you were actually getting slightly more tolerable.” Renjun’s groans, turning always from him. Mark’s notices how Lucas’ face dropped and nudges Renjun.”

“Hey I know you don’t want the others to know and everything, but don’t you think that was kind of harsh?” Mark whispers over to Renjun.

“Uh yea I know, I’m just not used to him being so cheesy like that in front of everyone,” Renjun sighs, looking over at how upset Lucas is right now.

“Hey don’t take it too seriously dude, Renjun’s like that to everyone.” Jeno pats Lucas’ back trying to comfort him. “Why don’t you just brush it off like you do to all his other insults?” 

“Yeah, I will, thanks bro.” Lucas gives Jeno a thin smile, turning away from Renjun.

“Ok you guys have around two hours to head back and sort everything out and then meet me outside my house with all your things by two thirty!” Jaemin yells, trying to be heard over all the noise from those who were leaving the gym. 

“Uh, where do you live by the way?” Mark asks quietly, Jaemin nearly misses it.

“Oh yeah, Renjun can just come with you and Lucas, he knows where I live anyways! So yeah, see you guys in two hours!”

“What the hag is coming with?” Chenle inquires, almost bitterly. 

“Yes Chenle, _Mark_ is coming with us. He and Lucas are our friends now okay?” Renjun reminds him.

“Yeah I like Lucas, he’s cool.” Jisung starts, only directing what he was saying to Renjun. “But Mark’s an old hag! He’s boring!”

“Lucas is older than me!” 

“Sounds like something an old hag would say!” Chenle taunts, enjoying this all too much.

“Chenle, Jisung, stop, Mark’s a nice guy just give him a chance!” Haechan ruffles both boys’ hair. “And Mark, please don’t get to mad at them, they mean no harm.” Haechan offers Mark a supporting smile before pulling both boys away.

“Uh, what’s going on with that?” Mark looks at Renjun in hopes for an answer. 

“Ok Mark, no need to get jealous because those three live in the same area!” Renjun smirks at the now flustered Mark.

“I - I wasn’t jea-“ 

“Ok sure whatever you say, but we really should get going!” 

*** 

Mark drags his multitude of bags behind him through the front door to find Renjun and Lucas waiting outside, standing several feet away with their backs turned away from each other.

“Soo, what’s going on here? Trouble in paradise?” Mark jokes as he opens his front gate and steps out onto the pavement to join the two.

“Mark what the hell do you mean,” Lucas nervously chuckles, helping Mark with his bags.

“Lucas don’t worry, I know all about you and Renjun, you don’t need to hide being affectionate around him when you’re with me!” Mark’s gives him a supportive smile, closing his gate.

“What? Y- you do?” Lucas looks back and forth between Renjun and Mark. “Renjun if you can tell Mark, why can we tell the others?”

“Mark is our best friend Xuxi, of course he has to know! I’m sorry Xuxi, but I’m not ready to tell the others yet,” he gives Lucas a small smile. “Anyway Mark, why do you have so many bags? We are only going for like three weeks, you packed for like three months, what the hell!”

“What, when did he say that?” Mark quizzes, confused.

“During the basketball match, but you were to busy experiencing the spectator point of view of a match to even realise.” Renjun grunts, as he helps with lugging Mark’s bags into the boot of his mum’s car.

“Ah well, you know how Lucas always forgets something every trip, so at least this time round I can help him with that,” Mark offers as he slams the door of the boot shut. 

“Mark do you really think that Lucas would be able to wear your clothes?” Renjun scoffs, already aware of the answer. “Compared to him, you’re like a little flower and he’s a tree, for crying out loud we are all just little flowers when compared to him.”

“Yeah Renjun, you’re my little flower, I love you.” Lucas winks at Renjun and Renjun tries his best to act like he never saw that happen, getting straight into the front seat of the car. 

Mark gags, “Okay, I take that back, you guys can’t be affectionate around me, it’s just too cringey ugh!” Mark enters the back of the car, Lucas following him closely behind.

“Oh, so know you finally know how we all feel around you and Haechan.” Lucas bursts in laughter at Renjun’s little display of fake puking.

“We don’t even compare to you guys, not even Jaemin or Jeno!” Mark unintentionally yells. “We are not even together for god’s sake!”

“Oh, so you want to be?” Lucas alludes, raising his eyebrows multiple times in a row. 

“I-uh I didn’t say that,” Mark stutters, knowing he was just making this worse for himself. “Well I don’t know, maybe I do want to be, but I’m not even entirely sure of my feelings yet!”

“Ok calm down Mark, we are forcing you to do or say anything.” Renjun grins, turning around to face the two in the back. “Like I said, and Lucas probably agrees, but we’ll wait for you into you’re ready to own up to your feelings!” 

The car journey to Jaemin’s house was only around eight minutes and by the time the three had arrived everyone else was waiting for them.

“Wow, surprising that you guys who came with the old hag are the latest,” Chenle snickers.

“Probably were waiting for him to finish packing cause his back had given up on him halfway.” Jisungs chortles, receiving a high five from his partner in crime. 

“You guys are always go on about how sweet these two can be, but I just can’t see it,” Mark starts, pulling up his sleeves. “And to be honest, I’ve had enough!”

Renjun and Haechan hold Mark back as he tried to lunge at them. “Mark they’re kids! Let them have their fun,” Haechan giggles as he finally turns him around to face him. Mark suddenly blushes at this unforeseen closeness.

“Uh, well only for a little longer, as there is only so much I can handle,” Mark nervously lets outs, turning away from Haechan. 

A minivan pulls up in front of them and the boys all fall quiet. “Okay so get your bags in, get your seats and then we can leave!” Jaemin’s shouts earning loud cheers from the rest of the boys. 

Jaemin throws his bags in first and grabs a seat at the front, soon later joined by Jeno. Chenle rushes in the minivan after throwing his one bag in the boot, closely followed by Renjun as the two were already having an exchange in chinese. Haechan neatly slots his bags between the rest and makes his way into the vehicle. Lucas, Jisung and Mark rushedly throw the last of the bags, their bags, into the trunk, all trying to get into the vehicle before the others to get the better seat. Lucas makes it in first and takes the seat next to Haechan, Jisung makes his way in next taking a seat by himself.

Mark unsurprisingly enters the minivan last, he has the most bags and struggled to get them all in. He looks around the van, hoping to find a seat next to Haechan or Renjun only to have them both shrug their shoulders at him. He unwillingly takes the seat beside Jisung to only receive loud grumbles from the younger. 

“Look man I don’t want this eith- What what? Okay fine if you want it to be like that!” Mark scoffs at how Jisung just ignores him and puts his earphones in, so Mark just does the same. He puts his earphones in and puts his main playlist on shuffle, he fidgets for a bit in his seat before finally getting comfortable and closing his eyes. _This is going to be a long trip._  

Mark doesn’t know exactly how longs he’s been out for, but he wakes up to someone excitedly muttering on his left. Mark’s slowly opens his eyes and finds Jisung turned towards him on his phone. 

“What are you doing? Stop muttering so loudly,” Mark yawns, he stretches out only to have his earphones pull on something. His eyes trail the length of his earphones and finds that Jisung was actually on his phone. “What the hell are you doing on my phone? What the fuck!” Mark snatches the phones from Jisung’s hands and find him looking through Mark’s playlist. “My playlist? What?” 

“Well you’re going to hate me but I was planning to hitch up your volume to the highest it can be so that I could temporarily deafen you-“

“What the fuck? You’re actually the devil!” Mark whisper yells, trying to not to get anyone else involved. 

“Chill old man, I don’t want you to break your spinal cord or something,” Jisung jokes, only for Mark to whack him around the head. “Oh my god, chill, I was going to give you a compliment as well, but I guess you don’t want to hear that huh?” 

“Well, keep going, I didn’t ask you to stop.” Mark stares at Jisung, waiting for this apparent compliment.

“Well when I went to hitch up your volume, I saw that you were listening to NCT TxT’s new track, and wow old man you’ve got taste.” Jisung throws him an overly friendly smile.

“See that would’ve been a compliment, if you excluded the old man bit.” Mark throws him back the same smile, mocking him.

“Ok how about this? I went through the rest of your playlist, as you don’t even have a passcode on your phone, but I love all the songs that you’ve got on your playlist. Perhaps you’re cooler than I thought, M- Mark.” Jisung looks at Mark in exaggeratedly apologetic manner.

“Hmm, well firstly it’s Mark- _hyung_ to you! But I guess you’re getting somewhere, slowly.” Mark smiles and ruffles the younger’s hair. “Who knows? Maybe if you continue down this path, I may give you my Apple Music account.” 

“Oh my god, really?” Jisung almost yells, eyes wide. “So many artists release exclusive stuff on Apple Music and please I just want to listen to it at least one time!”

“Like I said, maybe. Like maybe if you _and_ your partner in crime take slandering me out of the equation for this _whole_ trip, maybe you can get it straight after the trip.” Mark grins as he watches the youngers eyes grow even wider, which Mark didn’t think was even possible. The younger nods furiously, messing up his hair.

“Chenle!” Jisung suddenly yells, making Mark jump and nearly fall out of his seat. “Be nice to Mark-hyung!”

“Oh wow Mark, look at you already getting Jisung on your side.” Renjun stretches over and taps on Mark’s arm. “You know he’s a strong ally to make.”

“Oh well I’ll keep that in mind. Also, isn’t Chenle the older one of the two?” Mark looks over at Chenle who is sitting beside Renjun. He is met with an unreadable expression, maybe Chenle’s annoyed that he has to be nice to Mark, or maybe he’s already in that character, Mark will never know. 

“Yeah, he is, but he and Jisung are very close, explains why they’re so casual with each other.” Mark thanks Renjun before turning back around to find Jisung staring back it him in awe.

“You’re so cool Mark-hyung!” Mark grimaces at the compliment, not used to this side of Jisung.

“Okay Jisung, you don’t have to change completely, just be a bit nicer and respect me a bit more, you can still be your angsty, rude adolescent self yeah?” Mark watches as Jisung sighs in relief and slides back in his seat. 

“Okay yeah, Mark you are definitely still a lot cooler than I had first believed, but you’re still boring as hell! But yeah, you’re cool, don’t worry, we’re cool now.” Jisung gives Mark a small smile before putting his earphones back in. Mark acts offended before he breaks into a grin. _Perhaps this trip will go better than I thought._

“Ok guys wake up! We’re here!” Mark guesses Jaemin yelled that as he slowly opens his eyes, only then to be blinded by the sunlight coming in through the windows. Mark takes his phone out to check the time, it’s six thirty in the afternoon, he guesses they’re just going to have dinner then relax before going to sleep. 

The boys scramble out the car, trying to get their belongings out first so they could pick out the best room for themselves. Lucas runs inside first, with only two bags, having dropped some on the driveway. 

“By the way guys, there’s only six rooms, so there will be four of us who has to pair up. Don’t worry, Jeno and I will be one of the pairs, but you guys have to decide the other pair between yourselves.” Jaemin waves bye to them, as he walks towards the house, arms locked with Jeno’s. “Don’t fight!”

“Only six?” Mark starts, shocked. “Well I'm guessing all the rooms are bigger than one floor of my house, so I don’t mind shar-“ 

“Mark-hyung, don’t worry.” Jisung starts, giving him a warm smile. “Chenle and I will share.”

Chenle interrupts, “What the hell? Jisu-“ 

“I said that Chenle and I will share!” Jisung basically yells it this time around. 

“Uh, are you sure, cause Chenle doesn’t look to sure,” Haechan voices, gesturing over to a fairly irritated looking Chenle. 

“Ah no, he’s fine, just hungry.” Jisung drags Chenle towards the house. Renjun, Haechan and Mark could hear them arguing but decides to just let it be. 

“Uh so I guess we all just get our own rooms then!” Haechan exclaims, as he rushes towards the manor. 

“See what did I tell you, Jisung is a powerful ally to make.” Renjun smirks as he helps Mark with getting the last of his bags out.

“Ha, yeah, but honestly I didn’t mind sharing with someone, honestly!” Mark states.

“Yeah, cause you want to room with Haechan don’t you?” Renjun laughs at how Mark face goes red straight away. “Damn Mark chill, I don’t know what you were thinking about!” 

“Uh nothing!” 

“Hmm yea sure, but let’s go and get our rooms okay!” 

Renjun leaves Mark halfway during the trek through the manor, having found an empty room on Lucas’ floor. Mark fake gags as he watches Lucas practically sprint into Renjun’s room.

Mark struggles to drag his bags up the next flight of stairs and he could already hear Chenle and Jisung squabbling, their room was probably on this next floor.

Mark turns around so that he was walking upstairs with his back turned, focusing on his bags, hoping it would make them easier to bring up. He walks into someone once he reaches the landing. 

“Mark? You’re still here? Wow why did you bring so many bags?” Haechan laughs at the many bags Mark was dragging with him. “Do you maybe, want some help with those?” Mark weakly nods, embarrassed. 

The two gradually make their way up the third and final set of stairs into the attic. It turns out the attic was the sixth room, it had been converted into a comfortable living space. Mark judges that it was Jaemin’s parents who had planned and designed the renovation, as he never really imagined that Jaemin was interested in things like interior design. 

They kept up the wooden supports and designed the rest of the room around them, having given the room a warm wooden interior. The king size bed is placed under one of the main skylights, giving whoever’s lying on it a great view of the sky, especially at night. Soft rugs are plentiful as they are placed randomly across the floor with a just as soft armchair sitting on the right side of the entrance, by the bed. Fairy lights being the main source of light right now, are draped over the headrest of the bed. There is also a desk placed along the wall opposite the entrance and even a wide screen television is placed on the wall opposite the bed. with sofas sitting below and around it. 

“Wow Mark, you really got lucky, probably the luckiest one out of all of us!” Haechan exclaims as he wanders around the spacious room, Mark did have the whole floor essentially. “Perhaps I’ll come hang out with you up here!”

Mark nervously chuckles, overwhelmed by the extravagant room that he’s staying in. “Haha yeah, you may as well take the room, cause this is honestly all too much for me!”

“No Mark, you deserve this! All the rest of us were just being impatient, so we got the first room we saw, I mean I would’ve got that other room on Lucas’ floor, but he practically chased me out of it for whatever reason. So now I’ve got a room on the third floor, and yeah, it’s nice but definitely not as nice as this. I mean wow!” Haechan continues to admire the room.

“But like you said, you can always hang out with me up here,” Mark mentions, hesitantly.

“What? Really Mark?” Haechan runs over and hugs Mark. “Oh my god, Mark I was just joking, but seeing that you’re cool with it I may just take up that offer.” Haechan jumps up and down and Mark’s soon joins him, it was much more comfortable than Haechan practically dragging him up and down.

“Ugh what the hell, why are you making so much noise?” Mark notices Jisung and Chenle walk through the entrance into the room. “Ok first of all, sorry if we are interrupting something,” Chenle audibly gags causing Haechan to push himself away from Mark.

“That was nothing!” Haechan laughs, almost too convincingly that it wasn’t convincing.

“Ok sure whatever, but Mark-hyung, is this your room?” Jisung questions, his wide eyes darting furiously around the room.

“Ha, yeah, you can have it if you-“

“Mark no! This is your room!” Haechan yells. It echoes around the room and Haechan’s cheeks flush.

“But Haechan’s right Mark-hyung, it’s your room, I mean finders-keepers, am I right?” Jisung looks over at Chenle, who reluctantly nods. 

“It’s your room Mark h- hyung.” Mark unintentionally laughs out loud at how Chenle forces out the word ‘hyung’, to be met with Chenle looking offended.

“Jisung, why is Mark being such a jerk?” Jisung looks warily between Chenle and Mark. 

“Come on Chenle, let it be, I mean it was kinda funny.” Chenle chases Jisung out of the room, screaming curse words at him at a high frequency. 

Haechan sits down on the bed and falls back into it. “Wow this bed is so soft!” Haechan bounces on the bed causing some of Mark’s bags that were on the bed to also bounce. Something falls out of one of Mark's bags and Haechan goes to pick it up. “What’s this?” Haechan holds and old looking leather bound book in his hands, tossing it over to the other side so he could inspect that as well. 

“Don’t look at that!” Mark snatches it out of Haechans hands and places it in a drawer by the desk. 

Haechan pouts, “Is it some sort of diary, with like all your deepest feelings?”

“I guess you could call it something like that…”

“Come down, dinner’s ready!” Jaemin yells and Mark looks at Haechan in shock.

“Jaemin can yell that loud?” 

Haechan chuckles, “Oh you’ll be surprised Mark!”

Mark rushes down the three flights of stairs into what he presumes to be the dining room. He is met to what seems like a thirty-foot-long dining table, completely covered with exquisite looking dishes.

“Think of this like a buffet,” Jaemin starts as he helps himself to a plate. “Take want you want, then meet in the cinema room. Today I'm thinking, horror!”

“He’s got a cinema room?” Lucas chokes, already having helped himself to the food. 

“Yeah he does,” Chenle starts, putting more items of food on a second plate. “But it’s nothing compared to mine.” 

*** 

The trip is filled with day long excursions to amusement parks, zoos and the like. The boys continue to eat good food throughout and the evenings are usually to relax after the long outings they took; they usually did this by watching films. 

Today however turned out differently to how the boys (Jaemin) had planned. Jaemin wanted to go to the beach for a relaxing day out; but unfortunately, there were thunderstorms from early in the morning and they had to instead now spent a relaxing day in. 

This time around there was a more democratic approach to how the boys had planned for their day in. Everyone voted for a film series they wanted to marathon from the choices of High School Musical, all of the films from the Marvel Universe, Harry Potter and Star Wars. 

Haechan and Jaemin voted for High School Musical, Jisung and Jeno voted Star Wars, Lucas voted for a Marvel Marathon alone, but they ended up watching Harry Potter voted for by Mark, Chenle and Renjun 

It gets to around two-thirds of the way into ‘the Half-Blood Prince’ when people start to fall asleep, Jaemin and Lucas. They had taken several breaks during the movie marathon to go to the toilet, eat etc. so it’s already around 10 pm and the collective decision was made that they should all just try to finish this another time. 

Mark drags himself up the extensive flights of stairs, believing that they are now longer than they have ever been. He feels two hands start pushing at his lower back, probably someone trying to support on his journey there. 

“Uh, Haechan?” Mark slowly enunciates. “Haha, Haechannie, ahh that’s cute. Haechannie!”

Haechan blushes hard from the sudden nickname, hiding his face from Mark. “Ok, so you’re tired Mark, let’s try get you to your room quick, before you collapse!” 

The two finally enter the top floor and Haechan shoves Mark onto the king-sized bed, shaking his arms after they are relieved of Mark’s weight.

“Goodnight Mark!” Haechan voices into the silence. He softly shakes Mark’s arm, “Mark?” Mark starts to softly snore, notifying his now unconscious self. Haechan softly giggles to himself before switching off the light and leaving Mark completely knocked out on his bed. 

Mark arouses from his slumber after hearing the lightning and the rain hitting his skylight, from the ongoing thunderstorms. He also notices the sound of creaking floorboards, the noise getting gradually louder. He looks up towards the entrance of his room and focuses on a figure approaching his bed. Upon closer inspection, Mark’s able to identify the stranger’s features, Haechan. 

“Ugh Haechan, what are you doing here?” Mark yawns, going to grab his phone. “It’s like tw- what the hell its 2 am, what are you doing Haechan!” 

“Uh damn I wasn’t trying to wake you up Mark, I’m sorry.” Haechan whispers.

“Well of course you were going to wake me up, you’re coming into my room after all!” Mark sighs, still tired. “But it’s fine, what do you want anyway.”

“Um, this may sound strange, but please don’t think anything of it, I only mean it literally!” Mark hums in affirmation, allowing Haechan to continue. “I want to cuddle.”

“Y- you want to cuddle?” Mark chokes, leading to a coughing fit.

“Look Mark, I told you not to think much of it! I literally just mean cuddling, that’s it.” Haechan states, almost too comfortably. “I’m just really scared of thunderstorms. I usually would go to cuddle Jaemin or Renjun during nights like these, but tonight they’re with their significant others,” Haechan weakly laughs out.

“Wait, you know about Renjun and Lucas?” Mark asks too naturally.

“Well you just confirmed it for me.” Haechan tried his best not to laugh too loudly. Mark could see the mischievous playing on the younger's feature, the shafts of light from the several skylights giving the boy a luminescent glow.  “But yeah, I did have my suspicions, considering how Lucas chased me out of the room on the second floor only so that Renjun could take it straight after.” 

Mark slowly lifts up one side of the duvet, the side by Haechan. “Fine ok, lets cuddle.” Mark furiously blushes after saying that but hopes Haechan doesn’t see, especially with how dark it is right now. “Oh, I’m sorry but I realised that my room may have not been the best room to come to, you can literally see all the lighting out of the skylight.” Mark points up towards the skylight above them. Haechan eyes follow Mark’s arm so they were finally looking out of the skylight only for a flash of lightning to appear. 

Haechan yells before turning towards Mark’s chest and snuggling into it, scrunching his body into a fetal position. Mark can feel his cheeks burning but still decides to place his arms around Haechan, slowly patting his back, trying to calm the shivering boy in his arms down. Mark only hopes that the boy can’t hear his rapidly beating heart.

*** 

It’s already the last night of the boys’ three-week trip and everyone is seated around a blazing campfire, just having arrived back at the manor after having gone to a well renowned haunted house.

“We should take turns telling ghost stories!” Jisungs offers, his hand raised high murmuring something to Chenle on his right.

“No please, I’ve honestly had enough scares for today, thank you very much!” Renjun whines, hugging his knees to his chest.

“Ok you know what we should do, play truth or dare!” Jaemin suggests, looking around at everyone else. “Well I’m guessing you all agree, so I’ll start! Jeno, truth or dare?”

“Dare!”

Jaemin smirks, “I dare you to kiss the prettiest person here!” Jeno looks around the circle, everyone was gagging, or fake vomiting and he knew he couldn’t avoid this. He just goes for it and places a chaste kiss on Jaemin’s lips.

“Ahhh, babe!”

“Ha, yeah… but okay my turn! Uhh, Lucas! Truth or dare?”

“Dare?” Lucas lets out, unsure.

“Uhh, okay! I dare you to kiss the prettiest person in this circle as well!” Jeno is met with boos from the others.

“Wow Jeno, how imaginative of you!” Haechan yells, the others cheer in agreement.

“Guys shut up! I actually want to see this though!” Chenle grins, fidgeting in his seat to get a better view. 

Lucas warily looks over towards Renjun, whose beside him, before looking over at Mark who tries to offer him a supporting smile.

“Oh ho, so it’s between Mark and Renjun huh,” Jaemin guffaws, now sitting on his knees to get a better view.

“Uh what?” Mark chokes out, Haechan tries to help out by patting him on the back. 

It was really quick, so some of the boys nearly missed it but Lucas placed a light kiss on Renjun’s cheek, who then turns a bright cherry red colour. The two are met with loud cheers and Jeno wolf whistling.

“Ha! You owe me Jisung!” Chenle cackles.

“What you guys were betting on us?” Renjun almost screams, but is held back by Lucas.

“Okay, okay, it’s my turn now. So Chenle, truth or dare?” 

“Truth! That’ll be easy heh!” Chenle looks smug, thinking he had gotten the easier option.

“Do you like Jisung? Oh, romantically that is!”

Jisung face flushed a bright red, as he slowly turns to look at Chenle, who is also sporting a matching tomato red face. Mark burst into laughter after seeing Chenle, his bright red face a pale green hair really made him look like a tomato. 

“I- I don’t know… wait no!” The others watch as Jisung tries to hide his disappointed face from Chenle. 

“Hmm okay, sure whatever!” Lucas lets out, his hands placed innocently in the air. 

“Ugh whatever, it’s my turn!” Chenle breaks out into a grin, looking around at everyone in the circle. “Okay, Mark! Truth or dare?”

Mark nervously looks around, “Uh, truth?” 

“Ok, how do you really feel about Haechan?” Chenle smirks mischievously.

“Uh… Um…” Mark glances over at Haechan and sees that he is looking as expectant as the others, he sighs. “Uhh, I forfeit…” 

“Ugh Mark,” Jaemin loudly moans. “I thought none of you guys were really that dead, but clearly I was wrong!”

“Wow Mark is really a boring old man!” Chenle grins, smug. Jisung looks between Mark and Chenle, all he can do is give Mark a sympathetic smile. “Okay Mark, I dare you to do this, and remember you have to do it!” Chenle let’s out and Mark apprehensively nods. “Okay go lick uh- go lick the entire length of Lucas’ foot!”

“Urgh what the fuck, wow Chenle that’s honestly so gross!” Jeno grimaces.

“Ugh, fine, I’ll do it!” Mark says, reluctant, receiving loud ‘whoops’ from mainly Chenle. 

“Uhh, you sure man?” Lucas slowly pulls the sock off his left foot and propels it so it’s now infront of Mark’s face. Mark takes a large gulp before placing his tongue against Lucas’ heel and dragging it across the surface of his foot, all the way up to his big toe. Mark rushes straight to the kitchen sink, missing all the gagging and cheers from the boys. 

Mark tries his best to thoroughly wash his mouth out, trying remove the atrocious taste of the bottom of Lucas’ foot. He side eyes the boys trailing slowing back into the house.

In first is Jeno and Jaemin as he watches them gag, before shuffling over to their master bedroom. Next, it’s Haechan who just looks pitifully at Mark and offers him a small smile. Lucas is still cackling when he enters with Renjun and offers Mark a fist bump, which he reciprocates. Chenle and Jisung enter last muttering things amongst themselves.

“Oh Mark, I didn’t really think you’d do that, I guess you can be cool sometimes huh?” Chenle chortles, in his high-pitched dolphin tone.

“Ha, yeah I guess I can be,” Mark let’s out with a tight-lipped smile. 

“But you know, forfeiting that truth, really just screams that you love Haechan,” Chenle puts out seriously. “Why don’t you just admit to your feelings, Mark-hyung?” 

Mark harshly gasps, choking on water. “What?!” 

“Don’t worry, we’ll wait for you until you realise your feelings,” Chenle waves, turning away from Mark. Jisung stays behind.

“Mark-hyung, Chenle’s right. You like Haechan, don’t you?” Jisung starts, not very comfortable. 

“Honestly, I don’t know? I mean I really like him, as a friend? Maybe I like him so much, that it could be considered love, but I just don’t know?” Mark sighs, frustrated. “Sorry Jisung, I didn’t mean to come off to harsh just then. Oh yeah, also sorry about the how Chenle thing, you like him don’t you?” 

Jisung flushes suddenly from the question. “Mark! Maybe I do, yeah, but I don’t want to ruin this!” Jisung harshly shushes him, before turning away to catch up to Chenle.

Mark falls back onto his bed, bouncing a bit from the springs of the bed, he noticed how the stars could be seen really clearly through his skylight.

“What ‘cha doing?” Mark looks up after hearing Haechan’s voice and sees him standing by the entrance. 

“Ha, nothing really,” Mark begins, moving over on the bed so that Haechan could sit beside him. “Look at this though, you can see the stars really clearly tonight!” Mark points up towards his skylight as Haechan comes over to join him. 

“Oh my god,” Haechan rushes out of the room all of a sudden, leaving Mark confused. 

Mark continues staring aimlessly out of his skylight, only to have Haechan rush back in with a ladder. 

“Wait, what the hell is that for?” Mark gets up off the bed and walks over to Haechan. 

“Ok so Mark, on my bucket list one of the things is to go stargazing on a roof! Please Mark, like you said the sky is so clear tonight, it’ll be so pretty, and we can easily get to the roof through that skylight!” Haechan points towards one of the smaller skylights that looked like it could be opened.

“One of your bucket list items huh?” The two fell silent, remembering what happened with Haechan’s last bucket list item. “Yeah okay, I’ll do it! I mean I do owe you and everything,” Mark finishes as he takes the ladder and places it under the sky light. He makes sure that it’s sturdy before letting Haechan climb up it.

“Mark, you don’t owe me anything,” Haechan tells him, as he goes to open the skylight. “What you’re doing right now is being an amazing friend!”

Mark climbs up the ladder after he hears Haechan’s awestruck ‘wow’ after getting onto the roof. As Mark approaches the skylight he looks up at the sky, the stars and sees what exactly Haechan is so awestruck by.

“Mark look how beautiful it is!” Haechan exclaims when Mark has sat beside him.

“Y- yeah it’s pretty awesome,” Mark stutters, overwhelmed by how pretty the sky looked tonight. 

“Ahh, the cool air is so nice as well, it’s just, perfect.” 

Mark hums, looking at Haechan’s side profile as he looks up to the sky. “It’s really pretty.” 

“Oh yeah, Mark, why did you forfeit your truth?” Haechan inquires, side eyeing Mark as he was already facing the sky. “I mean I won’t force you to tell me, but I do want to know, cause we’re friends!”

“Uhh Haechan, I-“ 

“Look Mark, I love you.” Haechans states, finally turning around so he’s now facing Mark. “Honestly, I never stopped loving you even after the swing incident, I mean I tried, cause you were really cruel, but all the things I loved about you just majorly outweighed that one incident. And I don’t know, after that whole licking Lucas’ foot fiasco which you ran straight after from, everyone was telling me that you forfeited that truth because you l- love me? I guess I just want to hear it from you. Mark, do you love me?”

Mark feels his cheeks burn, but he tries his best to keep looking Haechan in the eye, he wants to be as sincere as he can. “Haechan I really, really like you. I love hanging out with you and listening to all the stories you have to tell, and I want to stay friends with you for a long as humanly possible, but do I love you? I’m not really sure…” Mark trails off after he notices Haechans face fall, that glisten of hope in his eyes disappear. Haechan looks sad, extremely distraught and Mark feels worthless, not knowing how to console him.

Unconsciously Mark leans towards Haechan. “What Mark, what are you doing?” Haechan looks up at Mark only around a inch away from him.

“I don’t know,” he lets out before kissing the younger.

“Mark, oh my god,” Haechan exhales after breaking the kiss after a mere second. “You don’t know why you did that? Please don’t tell me this is a repeat of what happened last time, oh my-“

“No, oh my god, No Haechan it’s not, definitely not!” Mark mentally curses himself after realising what he said. “Like I honestly don’t know why I did it, but it’s definitely not the same as last time. I mean you looked sad and I wanted to do something to make you feel better, as it was my fault, and then you looked so cute, and I guess I put one and one together and thought it’d be appropriate to kiss you. Oh my god, Haechan I’m so sorry!”

“Calm down Mark,” Haechan starts as he puts his index finger to Mark’s lips. A rosiness formed on Mark’s features due to the sudden contact. “Mark you’re so cute! Also let me get this straight, you wanted to make me feel better and you thought the best way of doing that was kissing me?” Mark nods quickly, Haechan’s finger still at his lips. “Mark, are you sure you don’t like me? You even called me cute!”

“I mean maybe,” Mark whispers after taking Haechans finger off his lips, holding Haechan’s hand in his. “I think about you all the time, I want to see you all the time, I don’t ever want to see you hurt and I want to be the one who makes you the happiest. Is that me loving you?" 

Haechan kisses Mark’s cheek. “Yeah, I think it is!” Haechan cutely giggles, Mark smiles after seeing laugh lines by the corners of Haechan’s eyes and looking at his eyes glisten. 

“I guess, I love you!” Mark grins at how Haechan locks him in a hug. 

“Oh yeah, Mark, when’s your birthday?” Haechan questions while hugging on Mark’s arm. “It’d be cool if we do something to celebrate our birthdays. Unfortunately, we’ve already missed mine, It was the Wednesday of the first well I met you.” 

“My birthday is August 2nd,” Mark starts before turning to face Haechan. “I’m so sorry that I missed your birthday, oh my god Haechan, I can’t believe I didn’t ask you before!”

“Don’t worry Mark, we always have next year! And anyways all the dates we go on will make me happy enough.” Haechan smiles warmly at Mark before looking back up at the sky. “You know I was so scared about next year, after the summer, I mean I wouldn’t be able to see you as often, but now that we’re together, I’ve got a reason to! I’m not scared for the future anymore.”

“Oh my god, sorry Haechan, but I have to go to the bathroom real quick,” Mark apologises to Haechan before making his way back to the ladder.

“I’ll just wait for you here!” Haechan watches Mark nod before descending back into the house.

Haechan sits there for what feels like ten minutes while looking at the stars, only later realising that Mark had been in the bathroom for a long time. 

The boy starts making his way back into the house and checks the bathroom on Mark’s floor to find it empty. He goes on to check all the other bathrooms that he was aware of in the house, finding Mark in none of them. When going around a second time and checking the bathrooms on the ground floor, Haechan hears someone breathing shakily, as if they were crying. 

He cautiously heads towards where he thinks the noise is coming from, entering the main living space towards the big glass sliding doors which lead to the back garden. Upon closer inspection Haechan finds them slightly ajar and decides to open it a bit further so he too could enter the garden. 

He pushes the heavy door aside and steps out onto the garden decking, the surface of which is cold to his bare feet. Haechan can hear the shaky breaths even clearer than before, so knowing that he was heading in the right direction he continues to try a find where the noise was coming from.

Haechan looks around and heads down the steps into the main garden, he notices someone sitting in the gazebo with their back turned to him. Haechan tiptoes closer and notices that the person was wearing a black pull-over, similar to the one Mark was wearing.

He doesn’t really want to go closer, scared that it may actually be Mark crying. The boy turns back around, planning to give whoever it is their privacy, that is before he catches something that they said. “I don’t want to die.” Haechan rushes away, tears already falling from his eyes. That was definitely Mark’s voice. Mark was the one crying. Mark is dying? 

*** 

Haechan couldn’t sleep all night, he spent it tossing and turning, trying to find a position that was comfortable enough to sleep but to no avail. It was already Monday morning, 9 am, they had come back from their trip yesterday and Haechan spent the whole day ignoring Mark and even Renjun. It was obvious that Renjun knew as well, he had mentioned it before and Haechan couldn’t really face him knowing that he kept something so important as this from him.

Haechan gives up trying to sleep, because clearly, he can’t get through this by himself, he needs to talk to someone.

“Haechan? What the fuck? We were literally together for three weeks straight up until one in the afternoon yesterday, can’t you let me rest, please?” Jaemin’s dry voice harshly croaks out. 

“Jaemin… please can you come over?”

“Haechan? Oh my god, are you okay?” Jaemin sits himself up straight in his bed, Haechan’s shaky voice leaving him worried. “Okay yeah, I’ll come over just give me an hour yeah?” 

“Yeah okay,” Haechan weakly voices out, relieved.

“I’ll be there in a bit!”

*** 

“Haechan!” Jaemin greets Haechan with a warm hug at his door. “Oh, my baby! Are you okay?” Haechan simply just shakes his head and Jaemin breaks the hug looking into Haechan’s eyes. “Ok let’s go talk about this inside yeah? I got chocolate!”

Jaemin falls back into the biggest sofa in Haechan’s living room, honestly his favourite place in Haechan’s house. He sets his back straight against the back of the sofa so that he could face Haechan who was sitting opposite him a armchair. “Where’s Renjun?” 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, where is Renjun? Whenever you’re upset and want someone to talk to you usually call me and Renjun, sometimes just Renjun!” Jaemin mutters the last part under his breath.

“Well this thing has something to do with Renjun as well, that’s why he’s not here,” Haechan says in a small voice.

“Oh really, ok so what is it? What’s wrong Haechan?”

“Uh well it’s a lot,” Haechan starts. “So Mark and I, we told each other we love each other after the whole truth and dare fiasco, and I was so happy, I thought he was as well but I’m not really that sure anymore-“ 

“Oh my god, did you catch him together with Renjun or something!” Jaemin gasps almost too enthusiastically only to have Haechan throw a pillow at him.

“No! Just let me finish okay? So yeah we was all happy and stuff after the confessions and I was talking about how I’ll still have a reason to hang out with him when he goes to college, but then he’s suddenly like ‘I need to go to the toilet’-“

“What can I say, a man’s got his needs!” Jaemin smirks only to have another pillow thrown his direction. 

“I said stop interrupting, oh my god! This is why I usually ask Renjun to come round.” Jaemin fakes looking offended before letting Haechan carry on with his story. “Yeah, okay, so he went to the bathroom but it had been like ten minutes so I decided to go check on him, I couldn’t find him in any of the bathrooms. Turns out he was in the garden, crying, at first, I tried to believe that it wasn’t Mark, that he wasn’t the one crying, but then he said something and I could tell from his voice that it was Mark. He said, ‘I don’t want to die’ and like normally I would’ve just approached him and asked what he meant by it, but Renjun told me something before. After the swing incident, Renjun tried to comfort me and told me that something happened to Mark which was kind of related to his father’s death a couple of years ago. I didn’t really want to think about, but knowing me, of course I did, and I got to this, what if Mark is going to die because of the same reason his dad died… Oh my god, Jaemin I can’t lose him! Please!”

“Okay Haechan calm down!” Jaemin goes over to Haechan’s chair so that he could hug him. “Shhh, I’m here don’t worry.” 

“Jaemin jus- what if he is actually going to die? Oh my god, this can’t be happening?”

“Okay, Haechan, you’re going to hate this, but we need to talk about this with Renjun. I’m as clueless as you are and as much as you didn’t want to talk to him right now, he’s still your friend, he will try to help you as best he can. You okay with that?” Haechan just nods. “Okay I’ll tell him to meet us here.”

*** 

“Ugh Renjun, I don’t know what to do!” Mark heavily sighed. “Renjun I just fucked this all up.” 

“Mark calm down, it's not the end of the world.” Renjun sits down beside Mark, rubbing circles into his back. “In my opinion, you should tell Haechan.”

“Renjun, I don’t want to lose him! Ugh, this probably sounds really selfish, cause I know I shouldn’t stay with him, giving him hope for a future that’s not going to be there, but I really want to be with him!” Mark hopelessly ran his hand through his hair.

“Look Mark, you’re not being selfish by doing that, you’re being selfish by not giving Haechan a choice.” Renjun whispers, as if Mark was a delicate ornament who could break at any minute. “You should tell Haechan. Okay let me tell you something, as one of Haechan’s best friends. Haechan is one of the sweetest people I know, he’s really optimistic as well! He tries to make the most out of everything, that’s why he has a bucket list, as stupid as the items on it are its so that he can live life experiencing everything that he wants to experience, and that’s why I think you should tell him. He won’t give up on you after learning that, he’ll try and make the most out of the time you guys would have together. He would make sure that you die without any regrets and I honestly believe that you need someone like that around cause let me tell you this, as one of Mark Lee’s best friends. Mark Lee is one of the most modest people I know but he can also be really pessimistic! He believes he deserves nothing, just his cruel fate, but everyone around him would say he’s a sweet guy and deserves the world. I’m saying this as one of Mark and Haechan’s best friends, that they deserve each other in their lives. They complete each other.”

The two sit in silence for a bit, Mark taking in everything that Renjun just sad. “Thanks Renjun, I knew you were the one I should’ve came to!” Mark locks Renjun in a hug. 

“Okay Mark, you can let go of me now, I’ve got to be somewhere!” Renjun chokes out, still held in a tight embrace.

“Wow I never knew that my best friend would be so busy!” Mark let’s out sarcastically.

“Mark I’ve told you many times, but I do have friends other than you and Lucas!” Renjun patronises Mark, ruffling his hair. “Don’t worry though, I won’t forget about my little, baby Mark Lee!” 

“Ha, real funny Renjun.” Mark laughs through his clenched teeth.

“I know right! Well see you later Mark!” Renjun waves bye to Mark before leaving his house and making his way towards Haechan’s.

It takes Renjun around fifteen minutes to walk to Haechan’s house and is met with a fairly irritated Jaemin at his door. “Uh so why did you call?”

“Just go in,” Jaemin voices, dryly.

“Haechan I’m here!” Renjun as he walks towards Haechan’s living room. “Hey- Oh my god Haechan are you okay?” Renjun goes to give Haechan a hug but is stopped by Haechan’s hands placed out in front of him. He gestures for Renjun to sit down. “What’s wrong?”

“Renjun please be honest with me,”

“Of course, all the time!” Renjun nods frantically.

“Renjun, is Mark dying? Perhaps because of the same reason his father died?” Haechan watches as Renjun’s face falls, his worst thoughts becoming reality.

“Haechan, why do you think that?”

“We told each other that we loved each other on Saturday, that last night at Jaemin’s holiday house. I started talking about looking forward to all the dates that we would go on after the summer and he stopped me saying that he needed to go to the toilet. He still hadn’t come back ten minutes later, so I went to look for him. I found him in the garden. I heard him saying that he didn’t want to die. I mean why else would he say that if he wasn’t dying?” Haechan’s screaming now, getting choked up on his tears.

“Oh my god, Haechan I’m so sorry for not telling you earlier, but like I said it’s better that he tells you himself, but seeing as it’s got this far, I’ll answer your question. Yes, Mark is dying.” Renjun goes to hug Haechan as he breaks into more tears. “I literally just told Mark that he should finally tell you the truth, but can I ask you something Haechan?” Haechan quietly hums, still crying. “Are you going to leave Mark? Like cause now you know what’s going on and all.”

Haechan breaks the hug, offended. “Of course not, Renjun do you really think I’m that shallow! I just want Mark to tell me honestly about everything, so that we can work together through this. Make the most of everything, together.

“See that’s what I told him! Haechan I would never think that of you, of course I wouldn’t!” Renjun gives Haechan a warm smile. “But you should really go see Mark, so you can tell him all of that, so he knows.” 

*** 

Mark paces back and forth in his room, contemplating whether he should call Haechan. His phone then suddenly vibrates on his table and Mark rushes towards it, hoping it’s Haechan.

  **haechannie♡ [14:54]**

**hey mark**

**mark [14:56]**

**hey haechan!**

**haechannie♡ [14:58]**

**we need to talk**

**meet me at the park in an hour??**

**mark [14:59]**

**sure**

**see you there !!**

Mark falls back into his bed, a sigh of relief escaping his lips. _Don’t mess this up Mark Lee._

Mark arrives at the park five minutes earlier than the arranged time and decides to just chill on the swings until Haechan arrives.

“Ha, should’ve expected you to get here early? Mark looks up after hearing Haechan’s voice and sees him walk through the gate.

“No! I uhh just got here!” Mark stutters out. 

“And what exactly were you trying to achieve by saying that, cause it’s still earlier than the arranged meeting time.” Haechan looks at Mark with furrowed brows, he left him stumped.

“Ha, I guess I did,” Mark lets out. “So, what did you want to talk about?” 

“Oh so you want to get straight to business?” Haechan laughs weakly. “That’s very strange of you Mark Lee, but yeah I guess we should. Mark, are you- are you dying?” Mark listens to how Haechan’s voice breaks towards the end, breaking his own heart. 

“Haechan what?”

“Mark back at the manor, when you said you needed to go to the bathroom, I went to look for you after ten minutes of waiting. I found you in the garden and I wasn’t intending to invade your privacy, really, but I heard you saying, ‘I don’t want to die’, Mark what did you mean by that? And please be honest with me.” Haechan looks at Mark with sad eyes.

“Uhh, yeah I’m dying. It’s related to my father’s death actually,” Mark starts, avoiding Haechan’s gaze. “My dad died cause a heart defect, he got a heart transplant, and everything went well at first and everyone thought it was a miracle. They celebrated. However, after a couple months, after everything had calmed down my dad died one night in his sleep, his body rejected the transplanted heart. That defect is genetic and got passed down to me…”

“Oh my god, Mark, I’m so so- you don’t deserve this!” Haechan holds and comforts Mark in a embrace. “Is that’s why you suddenly tried to isolate yourself from everyone a couple weeks ago?" 

“That weekend I found out that I only have two more months to live…” Mark gives Haechan a small smile.

“Mark you’ve been suffering all this time and you never thought about coming to one of your friends, one of us, to ease your burden!” Haechan laughs feebly, tears pricking at his eyes. “You’re so stupid.” Haechan lets his head drop, tears running down his face.

“I thought it would be selfish of me, telling you guys about how I’m going to die and then expecting you guys to just stick around like I’m worth something!” Mark’s now crying, lifting Haechan’s face back up to look at him. “I don’t want to drag you guys down with me, I don’t want you guys to be hurt because of me!”

“Mark you were being selfish by not giving is that choice!” Haechan yells back, his throat burning. “Mark I would rather stay with you happily and not regret anything than leave you because of this and regret all the things I could have done with you!” Haechan pulls a small notebook and thrusts it in Mark’s direction.

“This is?”

“It’s my bucket list, it got all the other things that I’ve told you about, but I’ve added some things to it, look.”

Mark starts flipping through the pages of the notebook, Haechan’s rushed handwriting fills the pages. 

 

_watch daytime fireworks_

_go to a haunted house ✓_

_finish a colouring book_

_befriend someone famous_

_complete a 1000+ piece puzzle_

_stargaze on a roof ✓_

_eat new food_

_~~have my first kiss on swings~~ _ _(✓)_

_watch the sunset and sunrise in one day_

_see a foreign film_

_dye your hair ✓_

_perform a magic trick_

_write a handwritten letter to someone special✓_

Mark reads one of the pages of the notebook and chuckles softly to himself. He gives Haechan a warm smile, having relived some of the memories himself. “This last one, you’ve ticked it, what’s that about?” 

“No, you’re not allowed to ask about any of the items on here until you’ve read the more recent additions!” Haechan instructs a whining Mark.

Mark flips a couple more pages until he reaches a section where the ink looks more fresh on the page.

 

_get mark to tell me the whole truth about what's going on_

_show mark this bucket list > <_

_tell mark that i’m still going to be with him_

_“     “   that i still love him_

_get mark to complete all the bucket list items with me_

_get mark to make his own bucket list_

_get mark to read the letter_

_stay with mark till the very end_

Mark looks back up a Haechan, tears brimming in his eyes. “H-Haechan...”

“Yeah Mark, I’m still going to be with you, that’s my choice! I’m going to stick by your side to the end, you can’t get rid of me that easy! Mark, I love you, always have, always will!” Haechan smiles back at Mark with glossy eyes. “Mark I really do love you, this, everything you just told me, won’t deter me, I decided from the beginning that it wouldn’t. Nothing would. I love you so much, that it kind of doesn’t matter? I mean it does, but it doesn’t interfere with me loving you! Oh yeah, here’s the letter that you asked about before and the one mentioned right there. The handwritten letter for a special someone is for you.”

Mark takes the beige envelope from a crying Haechan. He breaks the beautiful, golden wax seal of a ‘H’ and slowly pulls the letter out.

 

_Dear Mark,_

_I hope that you’re reading this after you’ve told me the whole truth, looked through my bucket list AND after I told you how much I care about you. Everything, I said only moments ago, is true, I swear on my life! Mark, I have loved your goofy self since the beginning, the very beginning before we even met. I told you about how I went to Jeno’s basketball matches and noticed that you were the star player, I only knew that because I was crushing so bad on you! Honestly, it’s embarrassing just thinking about it, I was just one of your fans among like a hundred others. I didn’t think much of it, just that I would always watch you, just you during the games, I even had a photo of you as my lock screen (and still do > <). I thought that was all it could be, me adoring you from afar. That was until I met you in the park. I still remember that day, June 4th, creepy I know, but it’s a really special day for me! I was just going to get some fresh air, I was so annoyed with my parents that night, and it’s all thanks to that bag I threw, that lead to all this. Mark you don’t even know how much you helped me then, I was in a bad mood after having fought with my parents and you were there at the park, you allowed me to talk about anything and everything, you wanted to listen, you accepted my loud personality, you laughed with me not at me. That’s when I realised that the Mark Lee was not just a cute basketball player in my school team, he was a real person, and the sweetest person at that! Every day that I spent with you gave me a new reason to just fall in love with you all over again, even today I’ve learnt that you are willing to be honest with me with the things that hurts you the most, and that’s definitely something to be proud about! You’ve helped and supported me so much, without realising, and I hope that I can also be honest with you about the things that YOU helped me get through, just let me be selfish and ask you to wait for me. I love you Mark Lee, and I want to be the one supporting you during your tough times like you did for me! _

_Lee Donghyuck_

_(Your Haechannie!!)_

_P.S. You know what I said about not having any favourite things before? Well I do now. My favourite person is Mark Lee!_

Mark feels a tear fall slowly down his face as he looks back over a Haechan. “Thank you...” he lets out weakly. “Thank you Haechan, for everything, for throwing that bag at me, for falling in love with me, for staying in love with me after everything I did. I -I honestly don’t deserve you, you’re an angel on this horrid Earth, my angel,” Mark’s gives Haechan a soft smile through his tears. 

“Stop saying that Mark! You deserve everything good in this world, but even that won’t amount to how amazing you are. You’re the best thing I’ve found on this Earth, I just hope you stay mine,” Haechan voices out shyly, a slight blush forming on his cheeks.

***

Mark gets back home half an hour past midnight. He spent the rest of last evening going between crying over how much he loves Haechan, consoling Haechan crying over Mark, catching up on lots of lost time and kissing. Lots of kissing.

He sneaks quietly across the landing, trying his best not to wake his mum. He safely makes it to his room and falls into the chair by his desk. He could’ve just gone straight to bed, but he promised Haechan that he would make a bucket list, so that’s what he was going to do.

 

_[“Don’t think too much about it, just write about things you want to do, so we can fit them into the next couple of weeks somehow. Also, don’t worry about showing the list to me because I know how embarrassing that can be!” ]_

Mark puts his pen down to the blank page of his diary but writes nothing. He has no idea what to write.

 

_~~kiss haechan, 100 times?~~ _

 

 _That’s stupid._ Mark quickly crosses off the item knowing that he had lost count of the kisses he had shared with Haechan, especially considering last night. The two have probably already shared way more kisses.

 

_complete haechans bucket list with him_

_say ‘i love you’ to haechan every day_

_make haechan the happiest person every day that i’m with him_

_remind haechan that he only deserves the best_

_be honest to haechan about everything from now on_

_kiss haechan at least five times every day_

_remind haechan how cute his ears are every couple of days_

_stay with haechan until the very end_

*** 

Mark wakes up to the sweet smell of pancakes. He grabs his phone from his bedside table, reading the time 09:34 off of it. As much as Mark doesn’t want to leave his bed right now, he’s dead hungry.

Mark languidly makes his way downstairs, following the sweet smell of pancakes.

“Oh Mark, you’re up!” He hears his mum yell from the kitchen. 

“Oh, yeah,” he yawns, stretching his arms out only to have them hit the door frame of the kitchen. He winces, massaging his wrists, “What are you doing home?”

“Oh, I just had the day off,” his mother hums, flipping a pancake in the air. “I thought I would make you some pancakes, you’ve always liked them, haven’t you?”

Mark hums, taking a seat at the island in the middle of the kitchen, behind where his mum was cooking.

His mum places a pile of pancakes in front of Mark. She grins, “Help yourself!” She turns back to the stove to clean everything up before joining Mark at the island again with a plate of her own. “So let’s catch up Mark, it’s been a while since we’ve last talked properly.”

“Uh, well you know about,” Mark gestures to his heart, his mum gets the message and her face become straight.

“Yeah, I do, so you don’t have to force yourself to talk about it,” his mum smile warmly at him, stroking his hair to try and remove his disheveled bed head. 

“Well, I didn’t really care about it at first, well I didn’t think I did, but unconsciously isolated myself and pushed all my friends away.” 

“Oh my god, again Mark?” his mum sighs, upset. 

“Yeah, I know right I’m so stupid. But luckily this time around I was able to get over it a lot quicker, my friends helped me with that. I told them about dad dying and they had left me alone about it, everything was back to normal. But then one of my friends found out about my heart, after they heard me say something when I was crying…” Mark trails off.

“Mark, honey. what did they hear you say?”

“I said that I don’t want to die,” Mark starts picking at his pancakes, growing uncomfortable.

“Mark, you don’t want to die? Mark you don’t know how relieved I am to hear you say that, after your dad died it seemed as if you had lost all hope for your life and it hurt me so much seeing you like that,” his mum weeps quietly.

“Yeah, you’re right, I did lose hope at first, until recently. I guess my friends helped with that, but it’s more one of my friends in particular. No, boyfriend. I fell in love with a boy, not knowing that I had at first, but he stayed by my side the whole time until I realised that I was in fact in love with him. His name is Lee Donghyuck, and last night he was telling me that he loves me despite my heart defect and that he wanted to stay by my side until the very end and I want to too! But I feel horrible staying with him knowing that I’m going to die!” Mark chokes on his tears. “Mum, I- I really love him, so much, but I don’t want to be the reason for his tears!” 

“Mark, oh my god honey!” His mum places her arms around him, rubbing his back. “You’re not being selfish, this Donghyuck sounds like he loves you a lot, and you deserve that!”

“Why would I deserve that if I can’t even make him happy in the end, I’ll just leave him in tears!” Mark hiccups, still crying. “Mum, I want to do everything in my power to stay by his side!” 

“Mark, it seems that you’ve forgotten of the other option,” his mum starts, warily. “Your can have a heart transplant.”

“I - I forgot about that,” Mark hiccups again. “But do you really think I should, I mean dad still died.”

“Mark stop living in the past! Medicine has developed drastically since then, with the survival rates increasing significantly!” his mum almost shouts. “Mark if you love Donghyuck, you should definitely take the risk.”

*** 

“Renjun, I’ve decided, I’m going to have the surgery,” Mark tells him, excited. “I’m going to have a heart transplant!”

“Oh my god, Mark really?” Renjun jumps and hugs Mark in excitement. The two jump around in circles hugging each other. “What made you decide to do so?”

“Well my mum reminded me that it was an option, when I told her that I felt bad that Haechan is deciding to stay with me knowing that I’ll die,” Mark sadly voices. “I want to take the risk for Haechan.”

“Mark, stop saying that! You two deserve each other! But I’m happy you finally decided to do it,” Renjun grins. “You have to tell the other though, they deserve to know.” 

“Ok, yeah I will!”

“Great I’ll call them round now!”

Mark watches as all his friends arrive at Renjun’s house, one after the other. Jaemin comes with Jeno, they’re the first ones to arrive. Lucas enters with Chenle and Jisung, the three seemingly having hung out before this. Haechan enter last and gives Mark a wide smile upon seeing him sitting on the stairs in front of the door. Mark gives him a quick kiss and ‘I love you’ before the two enter the living room where the rest were waiting.

Mark stands in front of the seven boys with shaky legs but tries to stay strong while telling them everything. He watches as their faces all drop after hearing about how his dad died and about when he collapsed during the basketball match that it was just the start of this whole living nightmare that Mark has been living in for the past month.

He then watches as they grow more relieved after hearing that Mark has decided to go through with the heart transplant. Mark shortly mentions, however at the end of the whole speech, about how much he loves Haechan to be met with a furiously blushing Haechan and a mixture of boos and cheers as he goes to kiss Haechan in front of them all. 

*** 

There’s one more day until the heart transplant and Mark’s spending the day with Haechan in his room, his mum away because of work.

Haechan leans his head on Mark’s shoulder, as he flips through his bucket list notebook, talking about all the memories of completing the different items. 

“Oh Mark, do you remember when we spent a whole day finishing that colouring book?”

 

_[“Haechan please tell me again why the hell you want to do this?”_

_“Haven’t you ever wondered what it’d feel like finishing one of these things!” Mark watches Haechan animatedly talking about how cool it would be boasting to the others about this. He enjoys seeing Haechan so excited._

_Mark kissed Haechan’s nose, now looking into the eyes of a bright red Haechan. “Just so you know, I’m only doing this for you!”]_

“Oh my god, Mark what about the time we did that puzzle!”

 

_[Haechan pours the contents of the box out onto the floor, to be met with a five inch tall pile of jigsaw pieces._

_“Haechan do we really have to do this?” Mark’s groans as he pulls Haechan down to kiss him._

_“Ugh stop trying to distract me, we got to finish this in the next five hours, otherwise Chenle and Jisung will yell at us for missing their graduation party!”_

_“Ok babe.” Mark gets up from lying on the floor and gives Haechan a peck on the cheek. “I’m only doing this for you!”]_

Haechan suddenly bursts into laughter, “What about the time we dyed your hair pink! Oh my god, that was so funny!”

 

_[“Wow Mark, your hair, I mean that definitely makes a statement,” Jeno grimaces, walking away from Mark as soon as he could._

_“Why the hell does Mark-hyung’s hair look like instant ramen?” Chenle cackles._

_“What don’t you think it looks cute?” Haechan pouts and Mark’s about to shout at Chenle for upsetting him before he feels Jisung pull on his hair._

_“No, but it’s looks like I can eat it!” Jisung grins as he brings one of Mark’s locks towards his mouth._

_“No!” Haechan almost shouts, causing Jisung to jump back. “Mark’s mine!” Haechan exclaims before kissing Mark on the cheek.]_

“Oh my god, Mark, I’m still so thankful that you let me meet so many amazing people, like Taeyong and Ten of NCT TxT and even Kun and Doyoung, meeting them got me closer to my dream of being a singer, and out of that awful house that I used to be a part of.” Haechan looks up at Mark and gives him a kiss, smiling into the kiss.

 

_[“Is this your card Mark?” Haechan grins and the last thing Mark wants to do is disappoint him._

_“Uh, yeah!”_

_“Okay, no good comes out of lying to him you know?” Doyoung remarks, having watched the whole thing from the back of the room._

_“Wait Mark, that wasn’t your card?” Haechan asks, dejected._

_“No, I’m sorry kid it wasn’t. But stick to singing, we know that you’ll definitely get somewhere with that, considering that you’re now living with us.” Kun smiles, ruffling Haechan’s hair. “I can’t believe that your parents actually neglected you.”_

_“Wait, I’ve got one more!” Haechan exclaims, the other three looking at him expectantly. “Okay Mark, your heart is right there in your chest, right?” Mark nods, confused. “Okay so now, it’s, mine!” Haechan quickly kisses Mark on lips before grinning at him.]_

“Ahh, do you remember that beach party we had for your birthday Mark?”

 

_[Mark and Haechan sat on a rock far away from the rest of the boys, watching the sunset._

_“I can’t believe that we watched the sunrise and sunrise today, and even watched daytime fireworks today!” Haechan exclaims staring at the sunset. “Those daytime fireworks weren’t really that cool though.”_

_Mark smiles watching Haechan’s side profile only to have Haechan turn to face him._

_“Mark, were you just staring at me this whole time?” Haechan goes bright red in an instant._

_“Hmm, what if I was,” Mark smirks, making Haechan even more nervous._

_“But why?”_

_“Oh, I was just wondering how you are better than any present that I’ve received for my birthday.” Haechan falls silent, before leaning towards Mark and kissing him._

_The two boys are brought back to reality after hearing loud cheering and whooping from further down the beach. They look over and find their friends jumping up and down._

_“Oh my god, how long were we kissing for?” Mark smiles at how Haechan hides his face in his hands.]_

***

Haechan wakes up in Mark’s room, having slept round for the night. He slowly shakes Mark’s arm, trying to wake him up. 

“Uhh, Hyuckie what do you want?” Mark’s yawns, stretching his arms out and around Haechan. “Let me sleep for like five more minutes!”

“No Mark! Your surgery is today at one and it’s already 9 am,” Haechan whines trying to get out of Mark’s grasp. “We have a lot to do today!” 

“Ugh fine,” Mark starts, removing his arms from around Haechan. “But first, morning kisses!” Mark traps Haechan between his arms and leans down towards him. He kisses him at the corner of his left eye, _one,_ on his nose, _two,_ and on his lips, _three._ “Okay, I’ve been energised. Let’s go!” Mark leaps out of the bed and heads towards the door. 

“Ugh Mark!” Haechan whines, throwing a pillow in Mark’s direction.

Mark dodges it and smirks. “Too bad, you missed!” He turns around so he could pull a face at Haechan. 

The two make their way to Renjun’s house after breakfast as a whole thing was planned and apparently everyone had to go.

“So Xuxi and I are going out,” Renjun finally spits out after five minutes of silence.

“And Xuxi is?” 

“Lucas,” Mark answers almost immediately. “Xuxi is Lucas Jaemin, oh Yukhei is also Lucas as well.”

“Oh my god, finally!” Jeno cries in relief. 

“Wait, you guys knew?” Renjun starts, giving Lucas a dirty look.

“Yeah, we all knew and not because of Lucas,” Jisung intervenes before Renjun could hit Lucas.

“Oh, oh my god!” Renjun hides his now red face in his hands. 

“Well I’ll step in here and thank you guys for being so patient with us,” Lucas grins. 

“Wait you called us all round so that you could tell us that!” Chenle asks, outraged. “Wow you really wasted our time huh? Jisung and I had nearly beat the final boss!”

“Yeah and the best couple remains unbothered!” Mark adds before going to kiss Haechan on the cheek, _four._

Mark is met with boos from all around but stays clinging to Haechan.

 

Mark is finally at the hospital; it’s one in the afternoon. After leaving Renjun’s house Mark and Haechan stayed in to watch a movie, so much for everything Haechan had planned for the day. They had watched ‘The perks of being wallflower’ which Mark had thoroughly enjoyed, much to his surprise.

Haechan and his mother are there with him at the hospital, walking with his bed towards the operating room. 

“You two do know that you can’t enter the operating theatre once we get there, right?” A nurse inquires, giving the two a professional smile.

“Oh yeah, yeah of course we do,” Mark’s mother brushes off.

“Oh well that’s good cause we are almost there.” 

“Mum, Haechan, stop being so stressed, it’ll be fine!” Mark laughs, trying to get rid of all the tension in the air. 

“Mark I know, just let me be scared for you okay?” Haechan laughs out weakly.

“Ok so mum, I love you and I’m so happy that we were able to grow close again cause honestly? I missed you so much,” Mark gives his mum a warm smile, watching as her eyes went shiny. “Haechan? I love you, so much. I’m so happy that I was able to get past whatever it was that was holding me back and finally got to be with you with no worries. Being with you is honestly the best decision I ever made!” Mark places a brief kiss on Haechan’s lips, _five,_ before being taking into the operating theatre. The last thing Mark sees is his mother breaking down and Haechan trying his best to stay strong so that he could support her.

***

“Haechan, I don’t know why I’m still trying honestly,” Renjun audibly sighs through the phone. Haechan grins hearing Lucas complain about something in the background. “But is today finally the day which you decide to actually leave your house and come hang out with us? I mean it’s been two months, since you know.”

“Renjun, I literally went with you to school yesterday,” Haechan moans. “Stop acting as if I turned into an entire recluse!”

“Fine, but it’s just because I miss you Haechan!” Renjun sighs before shouting something that Haechan misses to Lucas. “And it’s true that you haven’t hung out with us, since that happened, I just want my best friend Haechan back!”

“Oh my god, stop over exaggerating!” Haechan chuckles heartily. “I literally told you yesterday at lunch that I was going to come with you guys today! Happy now?” 

“Oh my god, yes Haechan! Ahhh I’m so happy!” Haechan can hear Renjun beaming through the phone. “Lucas and I will come pick you up in like half an hour! So, get ready!” 

Haechan hears the dial tone, signalling that Renjun had just ended the call. He places his phone on the bedside table and pushes his arms back, so he was now sitting on the edge of his bed. 

“Haechan! Breakfast is ready!” He hears Doyoung yell before going down to eat.

 

He hears a knock at his door forty minutes later and opens the door to a tired looking Renjun. “Wow, Renjun, are you ok?” Haechan laughs, nervously.

“Honestly?” Renjun starts, making his way into Haechan’s house. “I’m so tired, dating Lucas is just like looking after a high maintenance kid, he can just be so much sometimes! To be honest, I think I should just date you!” 

“Oh my god, shut up, you love him really!”

Renjun exhales deeply, “I guess, I do, but let me just say stuff like that once in a while or otherwise, I’ll actually go crazy!”

Haechan giggles, “Yeah okay, your secret’s safe with me! But why are you coming in, I thought you said that you wanted to leave straight away?”

“Oh my god, yeah!” Renjun physically face-palms and Haechan grins, never actually having seen someone perform such an action. “Let’s go, we’re already late!”

The two make their way into Lucas’ car, Renjun sitting with him in the front and Haechan sitting in one of the back seats. “What is this for again?” Haechan asks while aimlessly looking out of the window.

“Wow Haechan, did you really forget?” Lucas’ chuckles as he starts to pull away from the kerb. “Renjun is already so mad!”

“Well at least you know that much Lucas!” Renjun curses at him before turning around to face Haechan in the back. “This is Yuta and Sicheng’s little anniversary thing, party, whatever.”

“Oh yeah, Sicheng is one of your friends from China, right?”

“Yeah, and Yuta and Sicheng are the ones sponsoring you for that scholarship in the music university that you really wanted to go to since forever!” Renjun reminds him, tired.

“Oh yeah!” Haechan exclaims almost too loudly from the back seat.

“Well I’m glad you finally remember,” Renjun lets out, sarcastically. “I know you’ve been the more forgetful one recently, but you mind telling me what’s going on between Chenle and Jisung, cause honestly, I haven’t been keeping up.”

“Damn, sorry Renjun, but I don’t know either,” Haechan starts, apologetic. “It just feels a bit weird that they are always hanging out, like I know that they always used to hang out before, but this time round it’s just seems, different. Chenle acts a lot shyer when he’s around Jisung now, like I honestly can’t believe he used to be the loud one out of the two.”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, but Chenle is still loud,” Renjun chuckles. “Honestly he’s louder than ever!” 

“We’re here,” Lucas simply states after having parked the car.

“Wait what?” Haechan starts, as he looks out the window at a familiar looking set of houses. “This doesn’t look like where an anniversary party would be held… This is-“

“Yeah, sorry about that Haechan,” Renjun begins, already getting out of the car and going to open Haechan’s door. “We have to make a quick stop, come with Haechan?” Haechan slowly nods and apprehensively gets out of the car to join Renjun on the pavement.

“Don’t worry too much though,” Renjun smiles, leading the way for Haechan. “It’s just a quick errand, I needed to pick up something for someone.”

The two make their way to one block of houses and only after Renjun opens the gate and leads Haechan to one particular house does he realise what’s going on. “This is Mark’s house…”

“Damn, I honestly didn’t think you’d realise so quickly,” Renjun sheepishly breathes out. “I guess you really came here that often huh? But please don’t be too mad, I’m really only here to pick something up. It’s for you…”

Haechan shakes his head, completely missing the last thing Renjun said. “No, it’s okay, don’t worry, I’m fine.”

Renjun knocks on the door and the two only have to wait a brief moment for Mark’s mum to swing the door open, looking awfully tired. “Oh, Renjun you’re here, even earlier than I expected!” She breaks out into a wide smile, her eye bags almost completely disappearing. “You brought Haechan as well? Oh my god, you didn’t have to! Haechan I’m so sorry if you don’t want to be here right now.”

Haechan shakes his head again and gives her a warm smile. “No, it’s fine, really.”

“Well let me just go get it then, you boys probably have somewhere to be,” she says with a smile. “I won’t be a minute!” As she hurries off Haechan turns back to look at Renjun.

“What exactly is she getting?” he asks, slightly confused.

“Honestly, I don’t know either,” Renjun lets out, looking into the house. “She just called me yesterday and told me had something that I should give you.”

“Me?”

“Oh my god, have you been listening at all?” Renjun sighs, overwhelmed. “Yes you! I literally told you that before we got here!” 

“Oh really?” Haechan almost just whispers out. “Damn I’m sorry.” 

“Oh my god, Haechan please don’t sound so sad!” Renjun starts, apologetically. “I’m just really tired, I’m sorry.”

Before Haechan can say anything in return; Mark’s mum rushes back to the door with what looks like a book.

“Here this is what I wanted to give you!” She thrusts a book in Haechan direction, it’s old, tattered, leather bound. _It’s that book from the holiday house._  

“A diary?” Haechan voices out, unconsciously.

“Well yeah, I guess you can call it that, but how did you know?” His mum chuckles before carrying on. “I found it in his room after he died, and I’ve been reading through all the entries these past two months, I even know some of them word for word. But I think you’re the one who should keep it because most of the entries concern you, it’s my duty to make sure that you’re the one who has it!” Haechan gives Mark’s mum a warm smile before waving bye to her.

“Don’t worry Haechan, we have to drive all the way to Gwangju. It’s a long trip so you have a lot of time to look through that.” Renjun gives Haechan a comforting smile before getting into the car. Haechan follows closely and gets in the back so the three could get on their way again.

Haechan holds the somewhat heavy book in his hand, lifting it up and down, tossing it from one side to the other before Renjun cuts in.

“Haechan you know that you’re supposed to be looking at what’s inside?” 

“Yeah, but I’m scared Renjun, I don’t know what’s-“

“Haechan it’s been two months since Mark’s death, you of all people deserve this. You deserve proper closure, not just a kiss and ‘I love you’. Also, I don’t know what you’re scared of, Mark loved you, so much, this will only help prove that. Read it Haechan, if anything does upset you, we’re here for you, don’t worry.”

Haechan nods slowly before warily opening to the first page of the book. The first section of the book was filled with stuff Mark had written when his father had died and as Haechan doesn’t really want to intrude he decides to just skim through the book until he find his name, which turns out easier than expected.

 

_[I met a boy called Donghyuck today, but he just told me to call him Haechan, so I will. Haechan is a really cute name, just like him. I saw him in the park, cutely swinging a bag back and forth, and if that bag never hit me, I never would’ve been able to talk to him, so thanks to that bag, I guess. He told me a lot of stories about himself, about his friends, turns out he is friends with Jeno as well, so maybe I’ll try to merge the two tables at lunch tomorrow._

_I spent like five hours talking to him, it was just so blessed. I’m not one who really likes talking, but listening, and it was fun listening to someone so passionate about everything he says. It was fun listening to Haechan. I hope that I see him again tomorrow._

_Mark]_

  

Haechan couldn’t help but smile, knowing that Mark was as thrilled by the first meeting as he was. He decides that perhaps it is best that he reads it, so he carries on as little extracts from the entries catch his eyes.

 

_[Haechan looked so cute today. He waved me over to his table and even though he let me suffer alone by letting me explain to the others about what had happened alone, I’m still so happy that I get to sit with him at lunch now, so perhaps I’ll forgive him.]_

_[I’m pretty sure that Jaemin and Jeno are dating, so surely that’s the potential couple who everyone is talking about, but Renjun keeps asking me about Haechan. He says that I grew close to him awfully quickly, but it’s not like I decided to be friends with him just so that I could be his boyfriend! Can’t a guy just have friends in peace!]_

Haechan’s face was hurting because of how much he was smiling. He lets his face rest a bit before carrying on. The next couple of entries are not what Haechan was expecting.

 

_[I’m sorry to everyone I care for, my friends, my mum and Haechan for everything I’m going to do after this point. I’m going to hurt you all just so I don’t hurt you even more in the end. I don’t deserve any of you. I’m sorry.]_

_[I kissed Haechan today. I made Haechan cry today. I hurt Haechan today. It hurts so much but it’s what I had to do so that he wouldn’t want to be friends with me anymore. He can’t be my friend if I’m just going to hurt him in the end, he deserves better.]_

_[Jaemin confronted me today, about all the shit things I was doing. I never knew that I was just being so selfish, I mean I had never thought about it that way before, but honestly, I have a new found respect for Jaemin. He’s someone who would do anything for his friends. I want to be better. I want to be someone as selfless a Jaemin. I’m going to start tomorrow by apologising to Haechan.]_

_[I apologised to Haechan today, and he forgave me? It was a lot easier than I thought, well I did get slapped but that’s what I deserve. Haechan told me that he missed me, and so did I. I missed him so much, his energetic self, his bright and optimistic personality, his cute smile. I don’t ever want to lose Haechan again.]_

_[I was finally able to apologise to Renjun today and now it’s all back to normal. I can’t believe that I actually was willing to lose something so great. I’m so happy that I have such amazing friends, they didn’t let me go without a fight. I don’t ever want to lose such amazing people.]_

Haechan uses the palm of his hand to wipe away the tears that he hadn’t realised was falling.

 

_[Haechan found my diary(?) today. I was so scared that he was going to open and read it so I asked him not to and he agreed straight away and gave it back to me. He is so understanding, but he did look kind of sad though. Hopefully I’ll let Haechan read it someday, when I’m ready that is.]_

_[We went to the amusement park today, and I never knew that amusement parks were usually that big. Haechan laughed when he heard that I had never been to an amusement park, but it wasn’t in a mean way. He went around with me and accompanied me to all the rides that I wanted to try, but I saw how he looked at those bigger rides that I didn’t want to go on. I hope I get to go to an amusement park with Haechan again, that time I’ll try to go on the big rides with him.]_

_[Haechan and I stayed around the petting zoo the whole day. He said he really liked being with all the cute animals, but I think that he is way cuter.]_

_[We went to a haunted house today and I went around it with Haechan. Haechan told me he was scared so I thought I would go in with him to support him. Turns out I’m a loser who is scared of the dark. I screamed way more that Haechan and everyone laughed at me after I got out. Haechan just pinched my cheeks real hard and said I was cute, it still kind of hurts.]_

Haechan unconsciously lets out a laugh at the last one.

“What’s so funny in there huh?” Renjun smirks as he looks at Haechan through the driving mirror.

“Oh nothing, don’t worry!”

 

_[I think I messed up. We just got back to Seoul today, and I think that Haechan’s been avoiding me. Yesterday we told each other that we loved each other, and everything was good up until this morning, does he suddenly not love me anymore. I don’t want to lose him. I’ll ask Renjun about it tomorrow.[_

_[I’ve finally told Haechan everything. about my heart, everything. He was so understanding and even said that he is going to stay with me. He is honestly the best person ever. He also gave me a letter, telling me all about how much he loves me and I honestly don’t deserve him. I love Haechan, so much.]_

Haechan smiles softly at that and turns to the next page. The writing on the next page looks different to all the other entries that Mark made.

 

_~~kiss haechan, 100 times?~~  _

 

Haechan giggles at that, knowing that he and Mark kissed way more times than that.

 

_complete haechans bucket list with him_

_say ‘i love you’ to haechan every day_

_make haechan the happiest person every day that i’m with him_

_remind haechan that he only deserves the best_

_be honest to haechan about everything from now on_

_kiss haechan at least five times every day_

_remind haechan how cute his ears are every couple of days_

_stay with haechan until the very end_

A rosy tint colours Haechan’s features after reading that. _All of Mark’s bucket list items are about me._ Not like Haechan could say much though, as all of the newer items on his bucket list are all about Mark as well.

“Do any of you have a pen that I could borrow?”

Haechan inquires, nonchalantly.

Renjun hums, “Yeah, here you go. Why do you need it though?”

“Oh, it’s nothing!”

 

_complete haechans bucket list with him ✓_

_say ‘i love you’ to haechan every day ✓_

_make haechan the happiest person every day that i’m with him ✓_

_remind haechan that he only deserves the best✓_

_be honest to haechan about everything from now on✓_

_kiss haechan at least five times every day ✓_

_remind haechan how cute his ears are every couple of days ✓_

_stay with haechan until the very end ✓ ‘_

 

Haechan hums with content, looking at his freshly drawn ticks right by Mark’s bucket list items. _Mark you’ve done everything and so much more._ He then continues to skim through the entries of Mark’s diary.

 

_[My mum reminded me this morning about how I can still go and have a heart transplant, I honestly nearly forgot about that option, and I’ve decided that I’m going to do it. I've honestly missed my mum so much and I’m so happy that we are finally back to how we used to be._

_I’ve grown a lot over the past months thanks to all of my friends and now I’m not scared anymore. Renjun and Haechan know about my condition and still stay by my side, they’re taking a risk by doing that, so now I’m going to take the risk, for my friends, for Haechan.]_

_[I’ve finally told all my other friends about my situation and how I’ve decided to go through with the surgery and they were so understanding about it. I feel really stupid, I believed that they would leave me or something after learning about my condition, but I guess I really don’t know how friendships work.]_

_[Haechan and I started completing the things on his bucket list today. He wanted to complete a whole colouring book and surprisingly one of the things I hate most is colouring, it just takes so much effort. I complained the whole time only to be ignored be Haechan, so the second half of the day was just me attacking him with kisses which he tried to ignore and tried his best not to blush from. He was so cute. He is so cute! Haechan is just so cute and huggable and kissable, I love him.]_

_[Today we did another two of Haechan’s bucket list items. The first one was watching a foreign film. I wasn’t really in the mood to read subtitles, so I just offered up an American film and Haechan agreed. We watched the first Avengers film, in english of course. and as I’ve already seen it a countless amount of times, I tried snuggling up to Haechan during the film, but he just ignored me too invested in the film._

_Later I made him some poutine, so that he could do the ‘try new food’ item on his bucket list. Haechan was so surprised when I told him that I was born in Canada. He is so cute when he is confused. To be honest, the poutine wasn’t the best that I have ever tasted, but Haechan really liked it, so to get back at him from ignoring me during the movie, I only offered him some more after he kissed me. He kissed me a lot.]_

_[Haechan was finally comfortable to tell me about some of things that hurt him most. He told me that the first day he met me at the park that the fight with his parents, that caused him to be there, was and is in fact a regular occurrence. The reason why Haechan is so scared of thunderstorms is because his parents left him alone in the house during one when he was young so that they could go out. His parents continuously neglect him and even ignoring that they are still terrible parents. They are stopping Haechan from achieving his dream and just tells him to be an engineer, when he really wants to be a singer. He deserves so much better than this!]_

_[Haechan dyed my hair today. Even though he’s already done it, he wanted to see me with my hair dyed. He chose a light pink and kept going on about how cute it would be, so I just let it happen. I don’t know what he did after he dyed my hair, but he used some sort of electric hair-styling tool on my hair and then it ended up looking like ramen. Everyone was just laughing at my new look, especially Chenle and Lucas, it was so damn annoying. I’m sorry Haechan, I love you, but I’m going to dye my hair back to black as soon as I can.]_

_[Today I was finally able to help Haechan out like how he has been helping and supporting me all this time. Today I brought him with me to NCT TxT’s dance studio after telling him that I actually knew them personally. Taeyong and Ten-hyung were so happy to see me, I mean the last time I saw them was before dad died._

_Their friends Doyoung and Kun-hyung were also there and Haechan told them all about how he wanted to be a singer, cause Doyoung-hyung is an up-and-coming indie artist. He also told them how his dreams were worthless, but Doyoung-hyung didn’t allow that and just offered that he and Kun-hyung adopt Haechan. It was easy to do since Doyoung-hyung had contacts. Haechan seems to really like Doyoung and Kun-hyung, he even asked Kun-hyung to teach him a magic trick. Haechan was so happy and that made me so happy.]_

_[It was my birthday today, well I guess it still is but whatever. The guys planned me a surprise party at the beach. There was lots of good food and stuff, but that was mainly thanks to Jaemin and Chenle’s personal chefs. The best part of the night though was when Haechan and I were sitting away from the rest of the guys and watching the sunset. We ended up kissing, and Haechan hid his embarrassed face after the guys saw us. He is just so cute!]_

 

Haechan smiles to himself, reliving all those memories, memories that he treasures so much now. He turns the page, trying to find the next entry but finds nothing. He flips through the rest of the book trying to find something else, desperate to find something else. This isn’t the closure that he was planning on finding.

Something falls out of the diary. It seems that it was tucked between two pages towards the back end of it. Haechan picks it up off of the car floor. It’s an envelope, that looks strangely familiar.

He turns it over to find his signature golden seal with an embellished ‘H’. This was the envelope that he gave his letter in to Mark. 

He opens it to pull not one, but two folded pieces of paper out of it. He opens the first, unintentionally reading his letter to Mark again. Haechan blushes furiously after reading his words to Mark and slots the letter back in the envelope.

He opens up the next bit of paper a bit more warily, knowing this is definitely something that he hasn’t seen before.

 

_To my dearest Lee Donghyuck,_

Haechan’s breath hitches after reading the first line. _This is a letter from Mark? To me?_ Tears already threatening to fall from his eyes, Haechan continues reading the letter, hoping that this is the closure he was looking for.

 

_I don’t want it to be true, but if you are reading this, I am probably dead. I mean I wasn’t planning on giving this to you if I hadn’t died, I would have written a completely different letter and given to you for Christmas or something, but if you’re reading this, yeah it definitely means I’m dead. That means that you’ve probably already read through my diary and I want to say I’m embarrassed, but this is nothing compared to you must’ve felt after showing me your bucket list. After reading all the entries in my diary you should know how deeply I feel for you Donghyuck, I loved you Donghyuck, and I always will._

_I’m writing this letter, because I’m scared. I’m scared that the surgery will fail, just like it did for my dad, you can’t blame me for such thoughts, right? I mean I’m trying my hardest to be strong for you Donghyuck, strong for everyone. I mean you guys must already be so scared, being friends with me, staying by my side knowing that I’m going to die, it must be so scary, and heartbreaking and I honestly can’t even imagine what that must feel like. I just want to say I’m sorry, I’m sorry for being so selfish and asking for all of you to stay by my side, all of you are so selfless for doing so and I thank you all, from the bottom of my heart sincerely._

_Lee Donghyuck, Haechan, Hyuckie, Haechannie, I love you, everything about you. I love you with my entire being. You’ve probably already read my diary entries and hopefully have had a small insight into my feelings for you, but words honestly can’t describe how much love I have for you. In your letter you told me that you loved me from the very beginning and honestly? I can’t compete with that. But you’ve helped me so much more without even trying. You’ve helped distract me from the terrible fate that I was trapped in and helped me escape the living nightmare that I’ve had to endure for basically my whole life. You help me live a little, helping me forget about the inevitable doom that looms over me. You help me see colour in the dark and dreary world, you help me focus on all the little blessings rather than just leaving me to worry about the big picture alone. You’re irreplaceable to me Donghyuck. You’re my saviour, you’re my angel and you’re the love of my life Lee Donghyuck!_

_One last thing that I wanted to add before I finish this letter. is that you deserve all the happiness in the world Donghyuck! Okay let’s be honest the world doesn’t deserve you, but if you are going to be living there for like eighty more years, I want you to live happily. Don’t stay hung up on me for too long but find a reason to live for me! I don’t care if that wealth, power, fame, family, friends, finding a new significant other or even resorting to drugs (drugs is a joke by the way, DON’T DO DRUGS PLEASE!!). But I’m being completely honest about finding a new significant other. I want you to be happy, and if that is through you having a new partner, I don’t mind! You know why? Because I, Mark Lee, am going to be your, Lee Donghyuck’s, guardian angel. I’ll be keeping an eye on you from up in the sky, and if your new partner is trash, I’ll get my new ghost buddies to haunt him!_

_Lee Donghyuck, you made me the happiest person while I was alive._

_I died with no regrets, cause you were right by my side!_

_You ended up my saviour, who would’ve knew?_

_Now I’ll end this letter with, I love you!_

_Forever yours,_

_Mark Lee_

_P.S I’M SO SORRY FOR THAT ATROCITY OF A POEM, I JUST WANTED TO TRY, FOR YOU!_

 

Haechan smiles softly, wiping away his tears, trying not to let them fall on the page. He didn’t know how to describe what he was feeling, he’s sad, but so happy? Strangely nostalgic, even though all these memories only took place around three months ago. He knows now though, that this is the closure that he was looking for. He laughs at how the letter screams Mark Lee at every single part of it. It was the Mark Lee he fell in love with, and the Mark Lee who he will probably continue to love until the very end. 

“Haechan, you done now?” Renjun asks, turning around to face the puffy eyed boy. “We’re he- oh my god, Haechan, are you okay? We can always wait for you to gather yourself and then we can-“

“No Renjun,” Haechan starts, giving the older a warm smile. “I’m fine. Let’s go.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> im thankful to everyone who enjoyed reading this and to the mods who organised this fest which pushed me to actually write a fic!! if anyone wants to talk to me about this fic or just even be friends my twitter handle is the same as it is on here !!


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